In / Visibility

Scroll down for a transcript of the words.
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Continuing to migrate trans related material from my other channel, unmeasuredinstances:

http://www.youtube.com/user/unmeasuredinstances

This was originally uploaded in 2008.

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A prose piece/meditation on the role of secret hidden desires, secret lives, that haunt us and are left unlived because we are afraid to become that which we love and that which we are.


Here is the text for those that would like to read along:

I wasn't always invisible. No. I recall when I was young learning how to take tiny bits of myself and fold them up all small and all and tuck them into the cracks and crevices of my dreams. Or later learning how to hide larger parts among the pages of my journals, or contained in those grace notes of blue sky dancing amidst the speckled leaves of light sunlit by spring. And so slowly I turned more and more translucent, until at last, invisible, I floated there, just behind the gaze of the young boy's eyes, mistaken as a kind of inward distance or for a moment glimpsed as a sudden sense of an almost unbearable sadness. There, floating like some weightless ghost, behind the eyes of the boy I haunted.

And sometimes, late at night, if you listened closely, you could hear my voice whispering there:

I want to grow up and be beautiful.
I want to be like the other girls my age.
I want to play hopscotch and set the table for tea.
I want to marry the boy, you know, that one there, the one I had a crush on.
I want to smell like my Mother, her skin fragrant with L'Air du Temps or Shalimar.
I want my smooth body to blossom with soft breasts and to feel the moist folds of my desired sex.
I want my face to gain the soft and wrinkled wisdom of my Grandmother.

I want.
I want to tell you my deepest secrets.
I want to show you where I hide, and where I hurt.
I want to tell you about my fears and my deepest pain.
I want you to love me.
I want you to see me.

We all carve out our secret caves and hidden fortresses; our buried treasures and magical worlds. And there we entrust those parts of ourselves that are the most fragile and delicate, those parts most in need of protection and safe passage: the gossamer winged yearnings of our hearts and dreams. The intricate lace of our love. That is where we put those things we are most afraid to tell, afraid they will not be accepted as they should be accepted as sacred gifts of our Self.

So gather up your splintered scattered secrets, the hidden pieces of your heart, the long lost dance of your desires. Round them all and give them breath. What are you afraid of? Let it go......let it go. Now is the time for life and for living. Now the time for the visible. So that when we at last meet, we can look at each other and say, how good it is, how utterly wonderful it is, at last to see you.

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• trans
• tg
• ts
• transgender
• transsexual

[Pennhill007]

Thanks for posting all the words for sure.The words (" Scattered Secrets, Hidden Pieces, Round Them All And Give Them Breath,What Are You Afraid Of, Let It Go....Let it Go") These words make me think of my feelings inside when i realize that all i have to do is overcome the fear of simply being myself and just let it go.Just let it go and proceed towards dreams within and without.

[transpositions]

@Pennhill007 Thanks Patrick...as you can imagine, I know exactly what you mean. Much love my friend....Sarah

[CarolinaKid007]

Very touching. Your talents are simply amazing :)

[transpositions]

@CarolinaKid007 Well, this response is extremely late in coming, but just wanted to say thanks for such a sweet comment - I appreciate it.

[WiccanAlex]

beautiful and so very deeply moving...thank you so much for sharing this with us.

Blessings,

Alex )O(

[transpositions]

@WiccanAlex Thank you Alex.....somehow I missed seeing these comments all so long ago, but even coming to them late, they mean a lot to me.

[unmeasuredinstances]

@MsTaffyPulls And in return, your comment reaches deep within me and touches me and is precious. I feel humbled by what you ascribe to this piece, and moved by your response. Thank you - truly.

[MsTaffyPulls]

I have read through so many pages - Listened words sung by whom-ever.. Fell in love and out again with Stevie Nicks .. This piece is the “Still I Rise” that I don’t have to make exception for. I have never heard /saw/read ANYTHING like this before. I felt this deep inside of me a .. "cave" .. if you will.

[transpositions]

@SomebodyIusedtoknow Crystal clear................and lovingly.

[SomebodyIusedtoknow]

deeply moving... i see u. do u see me?