The truth about codependence (relationship addiction)

A veteran family therapist describes the psychological condition (vs. "disease") of codependence and two ways to reduce it. For more info, see http://sfhelp.org/relate/codep.htm

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[Francis Sandberg]

I like your perspective on mental health issues. My question is...what is a healthy love relationship between two adult, emotionally damaged (in childhood and subsequently the adult aftermath,) ppl and how can we differentiate love from co-dependant needs?

[gercacn]

Francis, the ideal relationship between two Grown Wounded Children (in my opinion) would focus on helping each other acquire tjhese requisites: sfhelp.oirg/relate/keys/requis­ites.htm. AND helping each other maintain healthy boundaries while reducing inherited psychological wounds over time The fewer symptoms of codependene in either or both mates, the more likely it's a loving relationship. See online lessson 4: sfhelp.org/relate/guide4.htm..

[gerald molloy]

Hi Pete

you so kindly responded to my recent post!

apologies if iam a little off topic somewhat,but in your 31 years-would you be at liberty to comment on the fact that the often narrow confines of i suppose official treatment and the almost commoditizing nature of social engineering society means we've in recent decades had a system that was/is designed to fail in many ways!

i know it's highly nuanced and sounds distinct from childhood trauma but maybe you know what i mean?big pharma etc etc

[gercacn]

I think our and most other (?) societies are largely wounded and unaware, which promotes the whole spectrum of personal and societal problems..

[bernadettebrittney]

Does the 12-step program work with all addictions? What about mood addictions?

[gercacn]

I believe it does - but traditional 12-step programs miss the underlying REAL problem: psychological pain from early-childhood trauma. See sfhelp.org/gwc/12steps.htm.

[Bonzo5808]

Thanks good stuff. Feel screwed though. Pessimistic thoughts of what are the real percentages of people that truly surrender. I am aware that I have always been compliant in and out of recovery, life in general. Good to hear this still.

[rkb100100]

Thank You

[gercacn]

rkb - the conditions you mention are ALL symptoms of inherited psychological wounds from early-childhood trauma. One of these (epidemic) wounds is excessive fears. Medication is NOT the answer - see this online "lesson" about personal healing: sfhelp.org/gwc/guide1.htm

[rkb100100]

Hi Pete,

Does adult separation anxiety disorder fall under this category? I was having panic attacks when separated from my family on a business trip. A therapist told me I had PTSD and an APRN prescribed anti-anxiety medication which has helped manage the symptoms. Is dealing with this problem as codependency correct. My family is dysfunction (to one on speaking terms now), my mother came from an alcoholic family. and parents bitterly divorced when I was 11.