Schizoid Personality "Disorder"

this is my gf trying to film me when i wanted her to gtfo.

this is a strange side of me. ill explain some of the reasons why later, but obviously i'm preoccupied with the game. there are many many beautiful sides to myself that aren't in this video that i doubt could ever be captured on camera (the act of filming itself kinda throws a monkey wrench into the energies), but that's the beauty of the whole universe really. it doesnt matter if the 'best' is never seen -- because it's existed and that's all that matters! anyhow enough of the spirituality... if i go down that road i'll never stop :)

i dont really enjoy having the 'spotlight' on me -- and i hate watching myself after being recorded so i didn't want her doing this, hence why i'm somewhat irritable.

anyway i'm just uploading this video for any kind of researcher/academic/psychologist/whoever to get whatever use of it they get.

nothing really special here, just a totally random video i had laying around long before i had even heard of SPD. i think i was about 22 when this was recorded. i've since grown very aware of this entire SPD thing which has obviously changed my life quite a bit. kind of puts all of the strange mysteries of my unusual personality into proper perspective and ties everything together.

during the time of this filming i had just moved back into my parent's place with my girlfriend (of probably a few months at the time) after a complicated job issue. i guess i had gotten into the relationship because i get into them so rarely (this being my second), and i felt very lonely after a few years of being suicidal/alone after losing my long time gf of 5 years.

within a few months of living with her (girlfriend filming this) i quickly began a downward spiral (the time of this filming) and was very confused about everything because i wasn't yet informed of or aware of SPD.

i've gone in and out of living with this girl (about 3 times!) for about 6 months at a time because when we live together, i get very ... strange? things just go down hill. i cant function if i feel like i dont have enough space and alone time (i require LOADS). when we're apart, i am quite the opposite, and after a few months i feel like i require the company, companionship, and all of that all over again.

i tend to stay up all night and sleep all day because there are less people about during the day. things are less chaotic, i get interrupted less, bothered less, etc. just more peaceful and quiet, and that's how i like it.

the friends i have, i've had since elementary mostly. i literally haven't made a new friend after middle school that i still keep in contact with and whom i feel close with. i feel so mentally distant from people i meet who i haven't known my most of my life. there are the unusual exceptions to the rule, but this is usually accurate.

i have a very hard time (as you can tell from the video) properly expressing my emotions. i've come a long way since this video was filmed, and learning about SPD has helped tremendously. i just accept who i am now, and rationalize things a LOT more. i'm a lot more laid back, and i tend to have this useful ability to be totally disconnected when drama busts out around me or directed at me. learning about SPD has helped give me LOADS of confidence, which has really helped me so much in my life.

growing up with people treating me like i'm some kind of strange weirdo has made me question myself at times, but learning about SPD has helped me realize that my methods are simply misunderstood because i have a natural ability to completely disregard traditional methods in favor of my own which i know deep down are usually superior (which is why i am unafraid to cling to them, and cherish them).

this is kind of random and these thoughts might not flow well, but i'm trying to keep everything SPD related on here and my mind definitely flows faster than my fingers can type.

seems like the train carrying these thoughts has disappeared. ill add more relavent info later if it comes to mind. tends to come in waves.

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• schizoid
• avoid
• avoidant
• personality
• disorder
• suicide
• SPD
• Schizoid Personality Disorder
• Thin
• Stress
• Therapy
• Health
• Social
• Psychology
• Recovery
• Emotional
• psychedelic

[Chaos8282]

Dude, its scary to say but we are a hell of alot alike. Story is pretty much me in a nutshell. I will have my fiance read this as I have a really hard time explaining this disorder to her. I was officially diagnosed at great lakes, during navy bootcamp, Going on 4 years ago. Hasn't changed me at all, but made me more aware of WHY I do these things

[matter0ni]

@Chaos8282 isnt it relieving when your entire life you notice something is different about you, but you can't pin it? it turns into a splinter after time, and then you read about this shit and a lot of things become a bit more clear? im not sure if this will hit you like it hit me, but try listening to the likes of Terence McKenna or maybe listening to some "psychedelic salon" podcasts. those hit me harder than the SPD thing, on a deeper level. you may relate 100%

[WeirdTree]

Hi, my boyfriend has SPD, but the way he behaves is quite different from this. For example, if I started filming him like that, he'd get really angry and hide. I have a lot of trouble trying to get him to communicate emotional issues, and when I do try, he just curls up in a ball on his bed or runs off and then remains speechless for an hour. He once said that when he is asked to speak about his feelings or emotions, it is like torture for him. He also has very poor personal hygiene.

[matter0ni]

@WeirdTree i wanted to hide and i was secretly angry also, i just hide those feelings. it is difficult sometimes to lure a schizoid to speak about emotional things, but if and when he's ready to try to make sure he's comfortable doing it. a lot of times im afraid to do the same because im secretly afraid whoever is listening will be judgmental and tell me im silly or stupid or think weird things about me, so just support him and he will be more likely in the future to spill his guts to ya :)

[matter0ni]

well being alone for your entire life can get a bit lonely, but yeah the sex part can sometimes be a bit socially demanding

[matter0ni]

@Polyamorous182 okay so you think you 'have' this, but how are you any different right now from 10 minutes from before you found out? It doesn't change anything its just a silly label. It doesnt mean youre some diseased freak simply because your personality tends to go this way or that way. You're a human being, not an SPD sufferer :) Remember that...

[matter0ni]

@engeljakob nope absolutely not. while these peculiarities can be dysfunctional or troublesome in a few ways, i absolutely enjoy it!

[yuzk2]

Is that mechenar he is in on WoW? :D oooooohhhhhhh i remember that, old times

can avoidant and schizoid personality disorder co-exist? I pass the criteria for both, i'm really confused.

[HeyGuiseWhatsGoinOn]

hey man. i can relate to a lot of what you've written here.

WE EVEN HAVE THE SAME NECK

I DIDNT KNOW THERE WAS ANOTHER

YEAAHHHH

[Chaos8282]

@matter0ni Not heard of it but will check it out.

[KieranD212]

@FragileButFree because aspergers isnt anything to do with a personality disorder, people with aspergers may lack social skills but do not always necessarily want to be isolated and alone

schizoid is almost like an avoidant without the emotional attachment, schizoids have a lack of interest in socialising where as avoidants are more fearful or have a severe dislike of being let down or negative responses