Psychopathic Narcissists: Cold Empathy, Uncanny Valley

Everything you Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq1.html

Cold Empathy evokes the concept of "Uncanny Valley", coined in 1970 by the Japanese roboticist Masahiro Mori. Mori suggested that people react positively to androids (humanlike robots) for as long as they differ from real humans in meaningful and discernible ways. But the minute these contraptions come to resemble humans uncannily, though imperfectly, human observers tend to experience repulsion, revulsion, and other negative emotions, including fear.

The same reactive trajectory and emotional cascade apply to psychopathic narcissists: they are near-perfect imitations of humans, but, lacking empathy and emotions, they are not exactly there. Psychopaths and narcissists strike their interlocutors as being some kind of "alien life-forms" or "artificial intelligence", in short: akin to humanoid robots, or androids. When people come across narcissists or psychopaths the Uncanny Valley reaction kicks in: people feel revolted, scared, and repelled. They can't put the finger on what it is that provokes these negative reactions, but, after a few initial encounters, they tend to keep their distance.

Contrary to widely held views, Narcissists and Psychopaths may actually possess empathy. They may even be hyper-empathic, attuned to the minutest signals emitted by their victims and endowed with a penetrating "X-ray vision". They tend to abuse their empathic skills by employing them exclusively for personal gain, the extraction of narcissistic supply, or in the pursuit of antisocial and sadistic goals. They regard their ability to empathize as another weapon in their arsenal.

I suggest to label the narcissistic psychopath's version of empathy: "cold empathy", akin to the "cold emotions" felt by psychopaths. The cognitive element of empathy is there, but not so its emotional correlate. It is, consequently, a barren, detached, and cerebral kind of intrusive gaze, devoid of compassion and a feeling of affinity with one's fellow humans.

Narcissists and psychopaths also appear to be "empathizing" with their possessions: objects, pets, and their sources of narcissistic supply or material benefits (often their nearest and dearest, significant others, or "friends" and associates). But this is not real empathy: it is a mere projection of the narcissist's or psychopath's own insecurities and fears, needs and wishes, fantasies and priorities. This kind of displayed "empathy" usually vanishes the minute its subject ceases to play a role in the narcissist's or psychopath's life and his psychodynamic processes.

(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 3 DVDs with 16 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html)

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[wilson2rent]

I have bought your book 3 times.Once by email wish I had ordered the CD of the 8 books. I am glad Band N has it on sale. $33

[samvaknin]

@wilson2rent Write to me personally (send me a message) and I will tell you what you can do about it.

[slonamu]

Very grim view of the world. Unfortunately - true...

[1221solstice2012]

More understanding of my "attraction" to these robotic people, so charming they appear, so in tune to my and others motivations, feelings, etc., as long as it's useful to them. I think I find it too hard to believe that they actually cannot love, that I want to make them love me, that I'm that "special" or something. Thank you for not referring to unscientific and cruel animal studies and concentrating on human psychology as that is what we're dealing with.

[kellycat2552]

. Thanks to the Baby Boom generation of ME ME ME. Drugs, gays lifestyle and abuse has now become all too available. The majority of people who just want a family, job and peaceful existance, are pulled into worlds of depravity by the media and culture. Religion, family life and being good is laughed at. The baby boomers got what they wanted, and now they have to live with the results:unemployement, death, and sadness. how unfortunate for those who never knew the difference.

[Wivanunu]

@organysntracey1 I want him out...he has to go....but I need to protect my kids. His family is just like he is....2 other narcissistic siblings...2 narcissistic parents and when I was engaged to my husband they were awesome actors and actresses...then within months after the marriage......they all revealed themselves. It was and still is a horror movie. I was no longer has narcissitic supply...he only wanted to impress his parents...even thought they abused me.

[Wivanunu]

@preluki Awesome quote!! So true!! And of course your brother is sooooo entitled to everything because he's "special!" But, there must come a time when the sun stops shining out of his rear end....then what happens to him....where will he get his supply?

[organysntracey1]

@Wivanunu contd...

As far as the "forgive and forget" part - get him out or figure a way to get away first. That has been the only way I've been able to start getting some grip on my sanity. We still have a house together, so he's here once a week for a couple hours (yard work and to torture me) and that's even become too much for me. Just in those couple hours he manages to do and say the creepiest things, and because I see what he's doing now, it triggers me; away is the only way.

[organysntracey1]

@Wivanunu My kids were from my first marriage to another, far less threatening parasitic narcissist, aka "artist") and although he was never much help, eventually, I was able to get one to university (and for her to live there) and the youngest to his fathers. They're young adults now, so my only goal is to keep them gone until I move.

I don't have any family left except my children - doesn't that make for the perfect situation I'm in now? And boy, does he exploit that one!

[organysntracey1]

@MACSMovies Mine has and I suspect will once I'm gone (the reason I need to move far away). I've been told he's the most "dangerous" kind of abuser, from what I've read, and several times by a victims abuse counselor- he's obsessive/compulsive (bordering on hording) among other things.

[Wivanunu]

@organysntracey1 But, as soon as you divorce him will he get the kids just as much as you? Has he been clinically diagnosed and even if he has....can he still get the kids?

Is your entire family clueless as to what you are going through? My family doesn't get it. I get comments like, "forgive and forget." I want to forgive but it doesn't stop...it goes on and on and on!!! I've been married for over 16 years and I am where you are at...I don't know what to do.

[organysntracey1]

@Wivanunu It's been an absolute nightmare. My N husband (soon to be ex) is described completely and exactly in most of Mr Vaknin's book and vids here. Ater 11 years I had a total physical, and emotional breakdown. I had to send my kids away to protect them from his psychological tyranny. My kids are still trying to heal, and all I'm trying to do is get as far away from my N as soon as possible.

[organysntracey1]

In my opinion N's may only have "conditional" empathy when it suits their purposes.

[organysntracey1]

By keeping the victim in a highly emotional state, thereby limiting the victims rational thinking, this allows the N to control reality. Having NO empathy allows them to paralyze their victim, which allows the N to "predict" and even "control" the outcomes of their victims life/thinking. By using probablility (accusations, etc) they eventually "hit" on a reaction that may make the N appear empathic, whereas they really just got lucky.