NaturalSunshine.com: How to: Deal with Toxic People

Natural hair aside, how do you deal with toxic people in your life? We all have them. People who do not benefit or enrich our lives in anyway. Either we have outgrown them or there never was balance in the relationship anyway. It's not that they are awful, negative people, it's just that YOU + THEM = SOMETHING NOT THAT GREAT, NOTHING BENEFICIAL, NO RECIPROCITY OR BALANCE, NOTHING IN COMMON ANYMORE. You get the hint

What do you do when you are in a friendship with someone who you feel you have outgrown? Holding on, keeps you in a pattern that's no longer in line with your goals and letting go is hard to do.

So, what do you do with these people? Do you cut them out? And if yes, what do you tell them? Do you say, "I think you're toxic and therefore no longer want to associate myself with you?" Or "I feel we are headed in different directions in our lives. And although I have felt this way for some time now, I think we have finally come to the proverbial 'fork in the road' at which we have to part."
Those are questions I constantly ask myself.

I also wonder how relevant a quote I recently heard is. The quote said, "At any point in time you are becoming the average of the 5 people with whom you are most closely associated." If that's true then wouldn't the responsible thing be to immediately disassociate myself or at least reduce the amount of time spent associating with people who hinder my growth?

My natural hair journey has sparked in me a desire to approach my life in a more natural way. From hair care to health and fitness to parenting I am committed to practicing a more self guided holistic approach to life. What did I trade in for this new approach? I traded in an old one size fits all idea of beauty which had me trapped in a maze and neatly confined to a particular consumer group.

I let go of habits which I have been socialized to equate with womanhood. Like equating physical beauty with worthiness and superiority. Don't get me wrong, I still want to look good, but now I know that smelling like Hello Sweet Thang! Scented Sunshine is not a prerequisite for being feminine. I'm done with spending all of my money on the latest trends in bags, shoes, eye-lashes, weaves, dresses, makeup, gel-nails bi-weekly fill in's etc. DONE. I'm done focusing solely on my outward appearance as my best asset.

This caused my conversations to change and for me to lose an interest in shopping as a hobby. I'm less interested in keeping up with the Jones' and therefore spend less time absorbing all the latest info on who's wearing what and the newest pair of break your neck high-high heels.

I also had to let go of friends. This was the hardest part, with some break ups more painful than others. The most difficult part was giving myself permission to admit that our friendships were over. I had to admit to myself that the person I was BEST friends with for so long was now someone with whom I had nothing in common. It was hard to break up with my closest friend, but necessary.

So I want to know, what do you do with toxic people in your life? Have you lost friends due to a new attitude towards your life? Has going natural caused you to change any other things in your life?

Category:

Howto & Style

Tags:

• how to
• 2011 inspiration motivation

[HairLikeMyDaddy]

I'm struggling with a few Frankie's right now because I know the Lord is trying to lead my life in a new direction. But I feel guilty for having to exclude my friends from my new journey and it's holding me back. I wouldn't min't d taking them along but they just don't "get it". How have you dealt with guilt in these situations? Or have you?

[sunshinelovespeace]

@HairLikeMyDaddy YES! I HAVE and still do deal with the guilt associated with ending some relationships. Some were harder to end than others. HOW DO I DEAL with it, ummmmmm when the guilt really creeps up I just remember why I felt it was necessary to break up in the first place. Here's the thing though, with the one that was the hardest, although I do not talk with that person anymore, I still miss them and love them because we were friends for so long.

[sunshinelovespeace]

@sunshinelovespeace But when I was making the changes I was not strong enough yet to handle having that person in my life. Because I was making such a radical change, I needed to cut off all ties with the old life. But now that I am stronger I have been thinking about contacting that person again and seeing how they are doing. I pray for them and still wish the best for them, so its not like I am saying turn your back completely, but when you are doing something new, sometimes you need a break

[sunshinelovespeace]

@sunshinelovespeace from the old. So I say, perhaps you think of it as a break until you are stronger. Maybe they won't be there after that time has passed, who knows, but you have to do what's best for you and where you are going. Hope this helps. Thanks for watching and commenting.

[ButterflyKZA]

Great topic!

[sunshinelovespeace]

@ButterflyKZA Thanks!

[Kiddiepreacher]

@HairLikeMyDaddy

A quote from 'Conversations With God' by Neale Donald Walsch that has helped me immensely along my journey of self-improvement: "Betrayal of yourself in order to keep from betraying others is betrayal nonetheless. It is the HIGHEST form of betrayal."

You have to do what's best for you first, and then take care of others from your place of fulfillment. You can't give what you don't have! It does no good to try to please others when your own tank is running on empty.

[MichyGW]

You just summed up one person in my life that falls into every category.

[cuteangel545]

I just found out some of my friends got arrested at a dance, Im finally done with them. I dont need the bad influences in my life

[piloooogen]

@TheBambieyes /watch?v=j0ByxQRt-ro&feature=c­hannel_video_title

[MRHDOTCOM1]

Beautiful, and beautiful.

[cjthefineartist]

I am grateful for your wisdom and confirmation from God. I came upon you.You are brilliant. This will be just as good for 2012! I was in this process. My path has led me to honor the best of my gifts by making my and other people's dreams come true who truly believe in being the best they can be.

Bless you

Much Success to you!

[commonman80]

I agree with almost every thing you said. Except. People shouldn't wait until a New Year begins to decide to DUMP TOXIC PEOPLE. They should START DUMPING TOXIC PEOPLE Tomorrow. Because, New Years Day may be a day to late.

Just my opinion.

[mzbiz22]

I find myself sharing all your videos on facebook! I love them and your energy! Keep it coming! ;))

[SunnyAndSummer]

LOL laughed so much at lilly :P cause it sounds sooo familiarrrrrr

[stonegateaccent]

A great video, Thank you for sharing.