'i know great horses live again' rest in peace cowboy.

cowboy was put to sleep on monday.
i dont really know what to say, but the ins and outs of it are this:
cowboy had an operation on his foot on the 4th of august. the situation was 'operate, put him down, or it will kill him' so we operated, of course. he was boxrested from that day until the day of his death.
on the 21st of september he had his first attack of colic. its was nephrosplenic. i stayed with him all night in his stable, but by morning he was better than ever.
on the 30th he colicked again. nephrosplenic. by the time the vet arrived id managed to sort it and he was ok. i was told boxrest can cause colic in some horses, and sadly in cowboys case, he would continue to colic until he was turned out.
on monday the 3rd of october, cowboy colicked in the middle of the night. when the yard owner found him in the morning his bed was all dug up and he was cast against the stable wall. when they pulled him back over, they realised it was colic again. this time, worse than before. he couldnt even stand without falling straight back down. i rushed to the yard at 7am. the vet arrived as i did, she said his small intestine had (in the only way i can describe it) flipped over his back. if he relaxed it would slide back. she said to lunge him, dont let him roll. we did so but by the time the painkillers had worn off he was worse than before. i rang the vets again immediately. when the vet arrived i couldnt even make cowboy stand so he could sedate him, he had to keep walking. everytime i tried to make him stand his legs would buckle. he was in a white sweat, and no amount of water would call him down. we kept trying to let him drink, but everytime he reached for the bucket to drink, his legs buckled and he forced himself back up. i told myself that wrose case scenario, he'd have to have surgery, but he'd be ok. he wouldnt die, id have to be so unlucky too loose two horses. but when the vet arrived, he told me there was just nothing we could do. his gut had somehow twisted. there was no way he would survive surgery. it wasnt fair on him to even try. i screamed, cryed, begged, begged them to do something, anything. i couldnt understand how they could put him down, when he was stood next to me, alive. i begged them, to do something, anything, i couldnt have him put down, he didnt deserve it, in my heart i wanted him to stay. in my head, i knew he'd had enough, he wanted to go. a friend hugged me, she said 'be his bestfriend sweetheart, be his bestfriend' it was then i knew it was the end, and i had to be the betsfriend he'd always been to me and let him go.

saying goodbye to him was the hardest thing ive ever done. finding the words to say when you know your never going to see them again is heartbreaking. i just hugged him, kissed his nose, and told him through the tears 'i love you so much. im so sorry. i'll never forget you. i'll love you forever. im so sorry.'
nothing feels right anymore. my life ended when his did. im truly heartbroken. he was my rock after tilly died, he made me smile everyday, gave me a reason to get up in the morning. now everything is just gone. i dont know what to do anymore. im riddled with guilt. he didnt deserve this, after all he'd been through, he DESERVED to pull through, and live the rest of his happy life. he was 6, only a baby, my baby.

cowboy was a true fighter until the end. he always tried his heart out for me, he was very much loved across the yard. me and my family are truly heartbroken and we miss him terribly. on that day, the 3rd of october, we lost a true friend, a hero, a star, a champion in our eyes. i love and miss you cowboy, never forget me. i wont every forget you. i miss you so so much. i wish i couldve made everything better. im so so sorry cowboy, im sorry for everything. i love you dearly my friend.

somewhere in time's own space,
there must be some sweet pastured place,
where creeks sing on and tall trees grow,
some paradise where horses go,
for by the love that guides my pen,
i know great horses live again.

Category:

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[horsesgonewild32]

I know exactly how you feel! I went through a very bad loss too :(

But he is in a better place now, and it was just his time I guess...

I'm here if you need to talk or anything.

Rest In Peace Cowboy <3

[hannahtillyx]

@horsesgonewild32 :( thankyou thats really sweet. i lost my first pony 2 years ago as well. just dont understand why this has happened to me twice, and most of all, to both of my beautiful horses. xxx

[hannahtillyx]

thankyou everyone. feeling so lost and alone at the moment, everything is so wrong without him. me and my family have found the past few weeks really really hard and i cant thank you all enough for your lovely comments xxxxx

[Yokox1]

r.i.p xxxxxxxxxx

[ollymurs4ever]

RIP

[lilmissponymad]

i'm so sorry :'( rest in peace Cowboy xxxx

[Loopeylyns]

jesus i don't really know what to say and can't begin to imagine how you felt and still do! Send hugs! I've watched a couple of vids he was a true star and a credit to u!! He'll be looking down on you now! xx

[CherylG299]

I know your probably going to get loads of comments like this but i know exactly how you feel, the exact same thing happened to me 2 days before my birthday then i lost another the day after my birthday. He seemed liked such a lovely horse and you did well with him, stay strong and dont give up, just think of the wonderful life you gace him. You did what was right and like in your description said 'you were his bestfriend'. r.i.p cowboy, even though i dont know you im thinking of you!

[SarahTillyCharm]

I can't believe it :( only a little while ago we were talking about how he was improving, I am so so sorry hun. reading your description im crying so much, can't imagine what it's like to go through that especially twice. be strong xxxxxx

[JLynnJumperr]

i am soo sorry for your loss. :( RIP cowboy