A Schizophrenic's Brief Account of a Vivid Hallucination ("Thou art God")

The title basically describes it. I run through a little story of an experience that took place a couple weeks before I was diagnosed, when I had traveled to Burning Man at the end of summer in 2002. Hmm, due to a particular odd response that may arise, let me be clear: I did take LSD and magic mushrooms at some point during the week before the experience, and my otherwise sober hallucinatory experience was religiously/spiritually themed, but I was indeed psychotic. Some people when they watch this may wrongly judge that I endorse drug use, but that is not true. I do not endorse for teenagers to take hallucinogens, in any way whatsoever. They were a very bad idea for me during that time

Incidentally, I diagnosed myself with schizophrenia more than half a year before doctors did or before I ever had a manifestation of distorting perception like this. This video is meant to convey something about experiences and about the mechanisms of hallucinatory perception.

If you like the song you hear playing in the background, which is titled Hi Fi Energies, please visit my ReverbNation or Myspace pages, which are at, respectively, http://reverbnation.com/nerBeater AND http://myspace.com/nerBeater

I hope that you enjoyed this brief account and discussion and that you may have learned something or seen a bit of what it's like to be a schizophrenic. Hallucinations -seem- so totally real that it is hard to doubt their reality when they occur. It's amazing what the human mind does.

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[Figantro]

I find your story really interesting, Crazy to think you got diagnosed at your age, did you had other experiences when you were younger?

[nednednerb]

@Figantro That's a good video topic. See it soon. It's overdue anyway, another vid.

[RoboBreadMan]

Damn, I was hoping to hear an account of a Schizophrenic that's onset wasn't drug induced... my sympathy still goes out to you man. Good Luck

[nednednerb]

@RoboBreadMan The onset occurred well before I took acid and LSD together. Actually, something much more significant was the main reason I went to the hospital for the first time. Sexual abuse, if not rape, was the surrounding events, actually... Hospitalization does not = onset. I decided "schizophrenia" made the most sense as a description of myself in early grade 12. I wasn't hospitalized until the Fall after I graduated.

[nednednerb]

@nednednerb I did take drugs. Then I came most of the way down. Then I might have been sexually assaulted. The hospital pumped my stomach of numerous drugs I did not intend to take but was given by an abusive person. That's more than I've ever said on YouTube. But I want you to know that drugs were not the main thing bothering me. Did you know the a LOT of schizophrenics have greater tendency to experiment with mind altering substances than "control groups" and drugs don't cause schizophrenia??

[YouAreSpotOnWithThat]

more stupid music. it is distracting to anyone really interested in what you have to say. . Don't play music on any spoken-voice video. . It makes your story seem inauthentic, false; you are acting. . Cheers. from, del-boy.

[moatwog]

You are god. We are all god. You are not mentally ill. You are perceiving parallel dimensions.

[saggiga]

Always the creative and the very intelligent...Thank you for speaking and opening my mind to many more ideas. William was right: There ARE more things than are dreamed of in my philosophy.

Horatio:

O day and night, but this is wondrous strange!

Hamlet:

And therefore as a stranger give it welcome.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,

Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

And, so i quietly listen in order to learn...

[hannahlovesification]

I've had a couple of hallucinations of super small things, and I was scared to death. I don't see how you can deal with hallucinations where you are talking and so involved. How did you find out it wasn't real?

[Phunt555]

@Figantro schizophrenia doesn't normally manifest until ages 17-24

[fox64057]

If he could handle wht he saw...

[locoxxx5150]

@nednednerb awesome, thanks