Toddler Conflicts!? Peaceful Parenting from Freedomain Radio

Podcast: http://www.fdrurl.com/FDR1860

from a listener family:

My question...

How can you always be non-violent with your toddler when:
He refuses to allow us to brush teeth, therefore we have to hold him down?

When he refuses to sit in his car seat. We have to force him...

When he has a tantrum because he wants to play with the water faucet and splash for EVER...

Seems like some force is necessary. Love to know how you as a parent approach these things.

I sure hope you do more videos on parenting and discipline or your replacement for discipline. HELP, please!!!

LOVE YOUR MIND!!!

Thanks,

[name]

Category:

Education

Tags:

• parenting
• toddler
• discipline
• peaceful
• children
• parent
• philosophy
• educational

[thegillotine09]

Stef, the line of reasoning you use to justify the occasional use of physical force to get a child to do something they don't want to (they aren't developed enough to understand the long term effects of their actions and they'll thank you for it later) made me think of the mentally ill. What is your stance on restriction of freedom for the mentally ill such that they do not hurt themselves or others?

[14842]

my dad used to spank me a lot and locked me up in the room, until I got old enough to kick his teeth in once than it stopped..

[modestymia]

And if all else fails and restraint is necessary the parent should constantly reassure the child as even if it's not the case from the child's point of view the parent is intentionlly making the child scared and they don't understand why and it takes several attemmpts to explain it. In short I'd say do what you have to do but take care how you do it and do the best you can to minimize any distress even if it takes a lot longer.

[modestymia]

That said the child's teeth need to be brushed which will involve a brush being put in the child's mouth. I think taking time and asking the child wants to play it, e.g. what colour brush/ toothpaste would they like to use, would it help if they could hold the brush as well as the parent. If the parents talk with the child to understand their feelings it will help.

[modestymia]

I think restraint is never a good thing but there might be a few times like the examples you give when it's necessary. Even then though I think other avenues need to be exhausted first. I think if a child resists doing something necessary and restraint is needed it's still important to validate the child's feelings and listen to them as they might have an underlying phobia, e.g. if they don't like brushing their teeth they might be scared of having a brush put in their mouth.

[rg37]

I hear that withdrawal of love is not a good thing.. Isn't that what you threatened her with?

[Innuendoh]

@changingmyself But, but, M. Scott Peck believes in diabolic possession and exorcism! He actually wrote a book after meeting Malachi Martin (author of "Hostage to the Devil"), about his own foray into performing exorcisms on two people, yeah? It was HORRIBLE! I don't recommend it. So, you like Peck, eh? Curious!!! Just notin' ;)

[safeinsuburbia]

Get a clue stef.

[safeinsuburbia]

Caplan argues that parents spend too much time trying to influence how their kids will turn out as adults. Using research on twins and adopted children, Caplan argues that nature dominates nurture and that parents have little lasting influence on many aspects of their children's lives. He concludes that parents should spend less time and energy trying to influence their children.

[safeinsuburbia]

Stealth Viruses: A Bridge Between Molecular Virology And Clinical Neuropsychiatry

W. John Martin, M.D., Ph.D.

Center For Complex Infectious Disease

Stealth viral infections of the brain may explain the increasing prevalence of dysfunctional brain syndromes in modern society....can manifest a wide range of symptoms, Infected patients have been labeled as having schizophrenia, manic depression, dementia, autism, attention deficit and major personality disorders.

[mungojorie]

with-holding affection? awful....take a toy..don't read...but NEVER with-hold love