Uploaded on Aug 6, 2008
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So it's one month into the school year and you've already blown through the entire semester's allowance. You're gonna need a good strategy.
Step 1: Don't call them
Don't call them—wait for them to phone. When they complain that they never hear from you, tell them calls cost money.
Crunch some paper into the phone as you're chatting. When asked, say you're rolling pennies so you can buy dinner.
Step 2: Sound weak
Next time they call, sound weak. When they show concern, tell them you're just a little tired from donating plasma for cash three times this week.
If you're a guy, add that you're looking into the more profitable sperm donation. Girls, say, 'Hey, did you guys know I could get $5,000 for my eggs?'
Step 3: Ask for canned goods
Tell your mom you'd love her to send some of her homemade brownies—then ask if she could toss in a few canned goods as well.
Step 4: Too broke to come home
Gently break it to them that you won't be coming home for the holidays after all. When pushed, sheepishly admit you don't have the money.
Step 5: Have response ready
Have a good response ready when they ask what happened to all your money, like, 'I've been eating out a lot to avoid the E. coli they keep finding in the cafeteria food.'
Step 6: Reinforce good behavior
When they insist on replenishing your account, reinforce this good behavior by telling them they are the best parents in the whole wide world.
Did You Know?
According to a recent survey, the average college student has about $287 to spend per month on discretionary items.
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