Dial Help

WARNING -- This poetry may incense and inspire. Attacking religion, science, and conventional views on reality.

DIAL HELP
by Park Teter

Hi, this is God.
Welcome to Divine
Intervention, Consulting, and Kharmic
Services, Inc. (DICKSI).
Rated "number one in customer satisfaction,"
DICKSI provides the highest quality
At the lowest cost.

If you know the extension
Of the angel or saint you are calling,
You may dial that number at any time.
Otherwise, please select a service
From the following menu.

To express thanks for divine assistance,
Press 1.
To send a blessing,
Press 2.
To send a curse,
Press 3.
To request healing of an injury or illness,
Press 4.
To request pain or death of an enemy,
Press 5.
To request success in a school examination
Or a contract negotiation,
Press 6.
To request victory in a game or a war,
Press 7.
To win a female's love,
Press 8.
To win a male's love,
Press 9.
For rescue from a life-threatening emergency,
Please hang up and dial 9-1-1.
To file a complaint
Go to Hell.

DICKSI's automated services are available
From 9 to 5, every day except
Sabbaths and religious holidays.

Most major credit cards are accepted.
Discounts are available to
The halt, the lame and the blind.

If you do not receive complete satisfaction
Within 2,000 years,
Your sacrifice will be refunded in full.

This call may be monitored
For quality assurance.

Remember: "Those who pray for help
Pay for help."

Category:

News & Politics

Tags:

• Park
• Teter
• poem
• Dial
• Help
• God
• customer
• satisfaction