Stephen Lynch - Kitten (with lyrics)

When the game of life makes you feel like quittin',
It helps a lot if you kill a kitten
Mark my words, cause from where I'm sittin,
You can't go wrong if you kill a kitten.

There's no crime that you'll be commitin'
I know the law, you can kill a kitten.
If you need yarn for that scarf you're knittin'
Youll get plenty when you kill a kitten

Feed it turpentine, or break its spine,
Crush it with your shoe, as long as you...
Kill a kitten

If the one you love isn't quite as smitten,
She'll like you better when you kill a kitten
To quote the bible, cause that's where it's written
If yee loveth Jesus, yee must kill a kitten

Flush it down the can, hit it with your van,
Throw it at a train, make it snort cocaine
Drown it in a lake, bake a kitty cake
Stick some TNT up its cat booty
Do what you must do, as long as you...
Kill a kitten

Killing kittens isn't easy,
And if the thought makes you feel queasy,
Grab a pitchfork from the shed,
And kill a puppydog instead!
Kill a kitten, you gotta kill a kitten, a little furry kitten.
Kill...
8675309, 8675309

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• Stephen
• Lynch
• Comedy

[Netherwolf6100]

Any one mind telling me what's the number they sing during that last part? And not the actual number but who you would end up calling if you dialed that in?

[solsotran]

@Netherwolf6100 Probably no one, but in the original song it was a number of a girl called Jenny

[drunkandmisguided]

I love cats and most animals (spiders... they can be extinct now... seriously die already) and am also apart of PETA and I love this song.

I don't see a reason to write him hate mail.

What does hate do?

Also, this doesn't promote the act of animal violence unless you were already thinking about it... which in that case that is still all you.

Anyway... GO STEPHEN LYNCH!

[G00SE216]

This song just sparked a burning ember inside me. now where is that kitteh?!?!?!

[DrizztDoUrden1974]

@Netherwolf6100 The number is in reference to a song by Tommy Tutone. The songs title was "867-5309/Jenny" It was released in the early 1980s. The song reached # 4 in the Billboard Top 100. The phone number in the 401 Area Code belongs to Gem Plumbing & Heating and it copyrighted by them. Benjamin Franklin Franchising owns the toll free version of the number. 1‒866‒867‒5309 and is a means of contacting their customer support line.

[cinnamarshall]

lol I has teh kittehs...still this song made me ROFL seriously!

[Medjiashewolf]

I love these guys!!!

[InaBear159]

86750309 used to be Southwest Middle Schools number xD....everyone in Gastonia went nuts when they heard the song

[mermer916]

@Netherwolf6100 That song is a classic 80s song

[kaufman9920]

Hmmmm, I have 4 cats I need to get rid of

[blindwillsee10]

I guarantee at least half the people watching this video didn't get the Jenny reference at the end.

[DeathByEpicness]

my dad got a cat... let the fun begin >:D

[Laeryc]

@solsotran yeah and ended up in a Lawsuit becasue people called it so i think its an Unuseable number now

[wil19853]

@Netherwolf6100 That's a title to an actual song lol