How To Talk Your Way Out Of a Speeding Ticket

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Needless to say, we're talking minor traffic violations. If you've just led the cops on a high-speed chase down the freeway, you're on your own.

To complete this How-To you will need:

Chutzpah
Acting Ability
Shamelessness

Step 1: Pick your nose

Casually start picking your nose as the officer approaches. He's apt to let you go with a warning so he won't have to touch anything of yours.

Step 2: Start crying

Turn on the waterworks—the louder and more inconsolable sounding, the better. A crying woman makes people uncomfortable enough—imagine how unnerved the officer will be by a blubbering man.

Step 3: Pretend someone's pregnant

Play the pregnancy card—if you're a woman, blame it on the hormones (assuming your sleek, rock-hard abs won't betray you). Guys, say you need to get to your in-labor wife. What cop would stop you?

Tip: If asked, "Do you know why I stopped you?"—for goodness' sake, act dumb. True, ignorance is no excuse under the law, but willful disobedience is even worse.

Step 4: Play the victim

Affect an air of vulnerability and victimhood. End each sentence with "sir" or "officer." Mumble something about your dad's bad temper and hint that this will no doubt incite your second beating this week.

Step 5: Begin blabbering

If all else fails, begin blabbering—as much and as fast as you can. Pretend you're a professional auctioneer. This has the dual effect of scaring the officer away and tiring him out as he tries to follow along.

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Category:

Howto & Style

Tags:

• speeding
• ticket
• howto
• howcast
• talk
• way
• out

[WatchYoFucknLanguage]

one of my friends has gotten out of multiple tickets by crying and saying he was speeding away from his fighting alcoholic parents lol.

[delleoo1]

GIRLS STEP 1: FLASH BOOBS(NOT IF A GIRL OFFICER)

BOY STEP 1: SPEED CHASE

[chickenfingers456]

Why was this in my cats history?

[ZakX33]

STEP 1 : hide a gun and wait for the officer to come near your window

STEP 2 : pull out a gun and shoot him in the head

STEP 3 : drive to mexico

(optional) hide the body in the trunk to dispose of it late

Did you shit is brown and smells?

[hoffbrand]

sorry everyone who had nothing to do with comments below..!

[hoffbrand]

@61shirley Oh and your a pussy for blocking me

[hoffbrand]

@61shirley they shouldn't have to force you thats the point, that is there for a just in case situation that people CBA to fill it in, what reason is there for you aside from 'being threatened' for you not to fill it in?

have you studied history? 'society' and its relation to being 'good or bad' is a relative term so don't try and throw that around.

ooooo Mr bloody pedantic! I'm sorry for my incorrect choice of words your grammar lordship! "By law you have to complete the census." (direct.gov)

[TheKorn5621]

Wut am i watching, i don't even own a car xD

[barbthetiger]

the guy wasn't wearing his seatbelt AND speeding. lol

[REDNECKCABLETV]

i was doing 85, in a school zone, on a dirt bike, no licensens, or insurance, the only thing is, when i saw the law i didnt stop

[tmacpower8]

Doesn't work.

[deoxy999]

@monsterblood2000 You play Skyrim I assume?