For Rape Survivors Who Have Felt Crazy

Thoughts from a rape survivor about getting through times where you question your perceptions.

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• rape
• recovery
• victim
• blaming
• mixed
• messages

[abyss2hope]

@ebonics4everyone if a "nice man" responds to finishing last by committing rape he was never a nice man, he was only a liar who feels entitled to be above the law and to harm others. That's not biology or lust, it is a lack of ethics. Biology doesn't cause men to rob banks when they don't earn as much money as they want and it doesn't cause them to rape when they don't get the sex they want.

[abyss2hope]

@ebonics4everyone I deleted your comments because they were filled with falsehoods. As long as you insist that victims cause rape you are siding with rapists and helping to excuse them. I and many others who know better will not tolerate these types of lies.

[rainrunner87]

What are we supposed to do when the police treat you as a criminal? They said they would not investigate unless I released my mental health records to them, they said they would subpeona them if I didn't, and if I had told any lies, I would be the one on trial! I gave them names! I was fourteen when my teacher started assaulting me! others knew, but the police won't interview them! They told me I was letting him control my life by reporting. Who protects us from the police?

[abyss2hope]

Rainrunner87, for some reason I'm having trouble commenting. I'll respond on my blog, Abyss2hope.

[abyss2hope]

moonlightowl1,

You are not crazy to be bothered by being raped and you are not crazy to be bothered by being asked such terrible questions.

If anyone is crazy it is each person who claims to be a decent human being yet interogates rape survivors with the assumption of that survivor's guilt.

[1964nickel]

Thank you. I needed to hear that. It's only been four months. Sometimes just knowing how I feel is a normal reaction, one everyone in the same position feels, then it eases the pain somewhat - the stress - the electric feelings start to ease.

[yokareen]

seek help and overcome that fear of saying 'no' overcome allowing men to use your body because of that very same fear..overcome it..seek help..whether it's from a counselor, rape hotline, or a parent (I used all three of these sources) I'm not saying the scars go away, because they are still here for me....But I'm learning to cope and am doing much better.

[yokareen]

Which made sense..Cause I felt if I just didn't try to fight or I kept quiet I could avoid having to go through what happened again and it wouldn't feel as bad, but it feels even worse to commit in something that you don't want to because you're afraid to say "no." But with help I'm learning to catch myself before I freeze up and not allowing men to do what they want with my body..I don't expect anyone to believe me, but this is the truth and if your story is similar to mine,

[yokareen]

& I've been to counselors about this..and after the rapes I became..Promiscuous..Not by choice though. Any time I'd get into a situation where a man would approach me sexually or kiss me, I would become afraid and my body would freeze up, which I was told by the counselor that it's a very natural response to do that and happens often, but before that I just felt like more of a whore and even worse that I had become such a coward. Apparently it was my brain/body going into defense-mode.

[yokareen]

Because it was two different situations, with the men, but they knew each other...But I know what happened to me..And I cried..A long time, and still do..And here's the worst part..It was two SOLDIERS that did it to me..They are supposed to be the ones protecting us, the ones we can trust...Yet they committed such a violent, gruesome act on me..I'm not saying all military personnel are like these two men, but they are NOT all good despite what we believe is what I'm saying...

[yokareen]

I was thinking about making a video about rape and survivors as well..Being that my whole life I feel that I've been mistreated by men. Was molested as a child and never told anyone...And then a few months ago I was raped. . I didn't scream, but I did cry and I asked them to stop and said it hurt, but they went all the same anyway..Two men raped me..And never talked to me again. I thought they were nice people..And I don't like telling my story because I've been told that I was lying.

[shockingalternative]

@WKaliberr if you don't remove this comment, i will report you. you're a sick

[Bethycrews]

Love to you! Thankyou for sharing this.

[C1Astra]

yes, it is crazy, the world is in a very bad way. but u are not alone. we are all sisters. we are stronger, not weaker for all that we have suffered. let us be the good that remains in this world for each other. misguided pitiful low ppl who in weeks want say 'don't u think it's time to get over it' or ppl treat like liar or diseased shows how low they are, not u. don't let them make u think that u have no right to call it what it is. it's a crime. & never ur fault. what u feel is normal. love u