1. Blood-Drenched, Berserk CEO Demands More Web Videos

  2. Martin Luther King Bust First Thing To Go, Romney Advisor Quietly Thinking

  3. Penn State Offers Victims The Chance To Vandalize Joe Paterno's Statue

  4. PARAMETER: The A.V. Club's Short Film Competition

  5. Erin Bares It All - Sex House - Ep. 4

  6. Tidal Pools: Nature's Putrid Sewers - Horrifying Planet - Ep. 3

  7. 100 iPhones Found In Lake - Lake Dredge Appraisal

  8. Kenneth Branagh's Mechanical Spider Attacking You? Stop Him - Troublehacking with Drew Cleary

  9. This Week In History: Holy Shit, Man Walks On Fucking Moon

  10. HP Offers 'That Cloud Thing Everyone Is Talking About'

  11. Captain Actual America Overweight, Hopelessly In Debt

  12. Cubs Finally Remove Wrigley Field Ivy After Third Outfielder Hangs Himself On A Vine

  13. Get On That Pole! - Sex House - Ep. 3

  14. Chimpanzees: Dumber Than All Humans - Horrifying Planet - Ep. 2

  15. Mountain Dew Can Provides Pleasant Challenge For Appraiser - Lake Dredge Appraisal

  16. My iPhone Is Covered In White Mold! Help! - Troublehacking with Drew Cleary

  17. Ron Paul Makes Campaign Stop In Whimsical Jalopy

  18. New Ad Urges Hipsters To Go To Applebee's Ironically

  19. Sexy Truth or Sexy Dare - Sex House - Ep. 2

  20. Zebras: Nature's Ultimate Prey - Horrifying Planet - Ep. 1

  21. Lake Dredge Appraisal - Chicken Wire/Muddy Pot

  22. Troublehacker - Whenever I Leave The House, Broken Glass Cuts My Feet

  23. New Prius Helps Environment By Killing Its Owner

  24. Sex House - Meet The Nymphos - Ep. 1

  25. Romney's Numbers Skyrocket After Prostitute Reveals She Paid Him To Sleep With Her

  26. Roger Federer Nearly Blows Chance At Wimbledon By Introducing Crabgrass To The Courts

  27. Internet Scam Alert: Most "Kickstarter" Projects Just Useless Crap

  28. Are Wetland Preserves Simply Dead-Body Dumping Grounds?

  29. Nike Releases New Olympic Track Suits Designed To Limit Penis Wind Resistance

  30. Tea Party Quiet... Too Quiet

  31. Breaking Story So New Reporter Literally Has No Information

  32. This Week In History: Statue Of Liberty Arrives From France, Moves Into Cramped Tenement Building

  33. Romney Wears Anti-Bacterial Yellow Gloves While Greeting Rust Belt Americans

  34. Miami Marlins Deploy Airborne Drones to Seek Young Fans, Shoot T-Shirts At Them

  35. Reporter Goes Undercover In Chinatown By Wearing Silk Robe

  36. Group Of Hunky Cardinals Appeals To Pope To Relax Celibacy Requirement

  37. Middle-Aged Woman Angrily Demanding Price Check Was Once Carefree Youth, Onlookers Speculate

  38. 'The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust' Release Popularizes Glam Rock, Glam Education, Glam Politics

  39. Failed Musician Comes Crawling Back To Hometown

  40. Insecure Miami Heat Can't Figure Out Who Garnett Called a "Sloppy-Chested Shit"

  41. Earthquake Late-Warning System Goes Off In Haiti

  42. Brooklyn Bridge Opens, Completely Revolutionizes Suicide In Fetid Hellhole Of New York City

  43. Behind The Pen: Nanny State, Ninny State

  44. High Unemployment Rate Linked To One Man With 42,000 Jobs

  45. Behind The Pen: Collective Wisdom

  46. Man Approaching Attractive Woman Fails To Notice Chelsea Handler Book Until It's Too Late

  47. Romney To Undergo Gender Reassignment Surgery To Better Connect With Women Voters

  48. This Week In History: First McDonald's Opens With A Young Grimace Just Starting Out As A Cashier

  49. Search Crews Continue To Look For Obviously Dead Hikers

  50. Behind The Pen: The Chinese Threat

  51. Republicans Stalling Obama's Agenda By Speaking, Moving In Slow Motion

  52. This Week In History: V.E. Day Commemorated With Historic Radio Address From FDR's Rotting Corpse

  53. After Weeks Of Media Pressure, Shia LaBeouf Still Refusing To Have Public Meltdown

  54. Dying Chevron Executive Excited To One Day Become Oil

  55. In Bipartisan Spirit, Obama Makes Deal To Get Kicked In Balls

  56. Behind The Pen: How Marriage Works

  57. This Week In History: Sears Tower Constructed With Bold Challenge To God Engraved On Roof

  58. Santorum Now Viciously Condemning Homosexuals, Minorities, Women For $100,000 Speaking Fee

  59. Romney Courts Hispanic Vote With Animated Sombrero-Wearing Parrot

  60. Medium Channels The Spirits Of Old Acquaintances For Awkward Small Talk

  61. It Easy To Tell What Area Man Will Look Like As Skeleton

  62. Biden Unveils New Health Initiative To Make U.S. Women Hotter

  63. Kanye West In Feud With Nation Of Syria

  64. Obama's Approval Rating Down After Photos Surface Of Him Eating Big Sandwich All Alone

  65. Report: Typical City Bus Contains No Fewer Than Four Erections At Any Given Time

  66. Report: Every Potential 2040 President Already Unelectable Due To Facebook

  67. Four American Troops Tragically Killed Along With 23 Afghanis

  68. Eric Cantor Tossed By Bucking Mitch McConnell During Congressional Rodeo

  69. Democrats: Obama Has Dicked Us Around For Four Years, Now It's Our Turn

  70. Reporter Helps Starving Dogs By Personally Shooting Them

  71. Romney To Travel Back In Time To Kill Liberal Versions Of Himself

  72. Stephen Strasburg Ceremoniously Re-Injures Arm On Opening Day

  73. Shelby Cross Warns Women Self-Defense Classes "A Trap"

  74. Man With Nice Eyes Blown

  75. Today Now! Host Undergoes Horrifically Painful Surgery Live On Air

  76. After 1 Week In New York Tim Tebow Already A Gay, Homeless Crack Addict

  77. Small-Town Mayor Steps Down Amid Scandal Over Forged Coupon

  78. Joad Cressbeckler Denies He Incited Mob To Drag Congressman Through Briar Patch

  79. Nation's First Boombox-Carrying, Rollerskating Congressman Broke Boundaries

  80. Broncos Receivers Worried Peyton Manning Going To Expose How Bad They Are

  81. Purity Of War Marred By One Bad Apple In Afghanistan

  82. Google Shuts Down Gmail For Two Hours To Show Its Immense Power

  83. Romney, Santorum Supporters To Beat Living Shit Out Of Each Other At Montana Primary

  84. Nation Abuzz With Prospect Of 18-Year-Old Boys Having Their Dreams Crushed

  85. Sale Of BET To White Supremacist Group Results In No Changes To Programming

  86. Could The Use Of Flying Death Robots Be Hurting America's Reputation Worldwide?

  87. Teen's Death Hits Reporter Hard

  88. Embarrassing Bounced Check From Greece Taped Up In IMF Headquarters

  89. Minnesota Braces For Return Of Bachmann's Full Attention

  90. Black Conservatives Support Candidate Whose Religion Believes Black People Bear Mark Of Cain

  91. Romney's Super Tuesday Polls Surge After He Begins Flaunting His Wealth

  92. Police: Kidnapped MoveOn.org Staffer's "Please Help" Emails Went Completely Ignored

  93. Heartbroken Santorum Condemns Gay Marriage For Two-Timing Jerks Like Nick

  94. Woman Sets Record For Longest Amount Of Time Spent Talking About Oneself

  95. World's Youngest Person Born

  96. Facebook To Allow Changes To Privacy Settings If Users Guess Word In Locket Worn By Mark Zuckerberg

  97. NewsBlitz: Senate Session Interrupted By Wailing Of Ted Kennedy's Ghost

  98. Leaf From "Tree Of Life" Frontrunner For Best Actor Oscar

  99. Boy Loses Leg In Totally Awesome Shark Attack