Getting the Most out of your Husband or Partner

Bismillah Al Rahman Al Raheem

Asalam Walaikum

When I was young I felt I had no power over my husband/fiancé, he just did what he wanted when ever he wanted.

After we had our first daughter I would ask him to collect her after school if I was working but he wouldn't even though he could have. He would get me to do all sorts for him but never do much for me.

When I grew older I realised how one sided everything was, I was becoming ill with the extra responsibility and burden while my husband was living as if he was young free and single. This made me re-evaluate my life and learn to force him to take more responsibility.

I thought I would share what I learnt with those who want to learn to get more from their relationship. If you are anything like I was, you are working, cooking, cleaning, ironing, doing the laundry, paying the bills, doing the shopping and being at the beck and call of your husband.

If your husband goes out with his friends when you don't want him to, or when you have wanted him to go out with you instead, you could make him suffer. Refuse to do one or two of the things you are currently doing for him. Perhaps you could refuse to cook for him and/or refuse to do his laundry and ironing. Keep this up until he has made up for his mistake by taking you out every week for a month or more. You decide.

If your husband/fiance looks at another girl, you could try a few different tactics;
• Don't say anything, just ogle or pretend to ogle the next group of guys you see. You don't even have to be looking directly at the guys -- you could be looking at a point near them. If your partner makes a remark, say, ' Well, I was just copying what you were doing earlier.'
• Don't say anything, pick a really expensive item and put it on the counter (if you're shopping). Tell your partner to pay sweetly. Usually he will pay up. Later let him know it was to help you get over the heartache of him looking at another girl.


Depending on the seriousness of the hurt he has done, you could refuse to do all of the above listed things including not speaking to him or sharing his bed. Perhaps you could insist on more money for housekeeping. You could also be out for the majority of the time avoiding him. Only come home very late, he will soon make sure he has your permission before he does anything.

If your husband/fiance is a violent psycho who would kill you for any of the above then you shouldn't be with him. Insh'Allah God will give you someone better, so I suggest you don't waste any more time with them.

If you are not yet married, but you find your fiancé is doing things you don't like, then you have to believe in yourself and deprive him of yourself. You are a blessing to him, that is why he is with you. Keep away from him as long as he doesn't do what you want him to do. Pray the Istikhara prayer so God keeps you strong willed and guides you in the right direction which is best for your future.

Istikhara prayer;
"O God, I consult You as You are All-Knowing and I appeal to You to give me power as You are Omnipotent, I ask You for Your great favour, for You have power and I do not, and You know all of the hidden matters . O God! If you know that this matter (then he should mention it) is good for me in my religion, my livelihood, and for my life in the Hereafter, (or he said: 'for my present and future life,') then make it (easy) for me. And if you know that this matter is not good for me in my religion, my livelihood and my life in the Hereafter, (or he said: 'for my present and future life,') then keep it away from me and take me away from it and choose what is good for me wherever it is and please me with it."

Finally, I'd like to say some Asian or Muslim women believe that they have to please their husband no matter what he does, that is fine if you are that sort of woman, go for it. My advice is only for women who want to improve their situation, not for those who enjoy their misery.

Thank you for watching

Category:

Education

Tags:

• Marriage
• husband
• wife
• problems
• marital
• advice

[tropnevad25]

I think your husband would find it funny if he found your videos

[saeedan42]

@tropnevad25 Found my vids?? He knows exactly where my vids are. He doesn't need to watch my vids, he has already heard my lectures 100s of times. He knows I stick up for women's rights, he hasn't got a problem with that. He is very confident and not threatened by my vids. Once I was going to take down the vids, to my surprise, he discouraged me from doing that.

[TheAtheistFuture]

when one person is determined to make it work, while the other doesn't give a damn, either way, what choice is there but to use manipulation, what should have been done is that you left him. You deserved far better, and he deserved the respect of not being treated like a moron. Then again when kids are involved perhaps it is best that at least someone is making sacrifices for them, then again, what lessons are your sacrifices and manipulation, to keep a worthless man, teaching your babies?

[saeedan42]

@TheAtheistFuture No body is perfect, people have good points and bad points. Not a single relationship would ever last if you didn't put up with a few bad points and learn how to deal with them.

[saeedan42]

@saeedan42 sorry 'nobody'

[Dymphna7811]

Thank you for the suggestions. I don't think you are suggesting true "manipulation" as you are suggesting to teach your husband what he is doing to you feels like. It is basic cause and effect. If you treat a good woman like this..she will do that. I think that often men are given too many excuses by society while women are held to much stricter guidelines. As women, we are taught to think of our family before we think of us and this causes problems when dealing with men who do the opposite.

[imperfectionKillz]

When we reward another, we are establishing a belief, and by establishing that belief between you and the individual, we're giving up control of ourselves. When they have the knowledge of your emotional response to the action. They have the power to do an opposite action to create the opposite emotion within you. If they can't empathize with the pain you feel, then you shouldn't be with them.

[imperfectionKillz]

I tried explaining that I wanted the fresh air, so my window will be down. He locked down on my control from the drivers side. As soon as he started to raise his voice, the next red light, I got out of the car and calmly told him I was going home. The whole way he followed me in the car, laughing at me. All I thought was how foolish he may have looked from an outside perspective. An old man in his car what seemed to be harassing a young girl walking up the street. He will think twice next time.

[imperfectionKillz]

My father figure is a very controlling individual when he feels you're in his domain. I'm blessed enough not to be living with him any more. But when I do visit him, or he visits me, I do my best to take control of the situation when I feel my needs are being taken away from me. The other day he came over to take me out, and in the car ride I wanted my window down for fresh air. The man has a bad odor. He demanded I put the window up, or else he would lock the window from the drivers side.

[san4tam]

When going into marriage you should share the duties of marriage, their is not one that does everything and the other do nothing. I went into marriage and have been blessed now for 50 years, you have your up's and downs and should be prepared to listen to each others side of a problem you and your partner have. No one will ever live in harmony, but everyone can talk and come to a co-promise.

Live in peace all nations and welcome your brothers and sisters into your home when they are in need.

[LittleQueenTudor]

@qwertyfshag Things are not that simple and unfortunately not many are blessed in marriage as you are. People have to make the most out of their situation especially in places where women's rights are primitive.

[LittleQueenTudor]

I got married a month ago-my husband is really kind to me and gets me anything I want. Its more I am not doing anything for him, but it is the early days yet. But this is good advice sister :)

[zoose21]

your a very smart woman,my wife did everything and i went out and one day she had enough and cut me off,she also made most of the money so no allowance either,after a week i was begging for attention,i took over all the housework and cooking to win her approval,she decided she liked this way and i have been doing it all for 20 years,she is boss with check book and it works,