Written for WVU's 2009 Play in a Day.
Director:
Nick Yurick
Cast:
Billy Jean Powers: Brittany Jo Sowards
Sherwood: Justin "Tex" Griffiths
Ching Ka: Cody Riggins
Chorus: Ana Ballerini
BK Cashier
Hey ainchu Kate from dat show?
BJP
No.
BK Cashier
Sorry, maam, we dont want no pets near our food.
BJP
How the hell did you get a job here you illiterate piece of crap?
Cashier
Whoa, we just met. Dont get fresh wit me.
BJP
I said illiterate not intimate, you fool.
Cashier
I aint nobodys foo, foo. Whatchu want?
BJP
....Ill have a number 6 with a sprite and my... friend will have...
Sherwood
I'll have a fifth of bourbon and some of that delicious paper you got there. Im just kidding. Ill have a double whopper meal with cheese and a cherry coke.
Cashier
All that shit? What you think dis is, McDonalds? We dont give you nuttin but yesterdays whoppers and some stale fries from last week. Deal wit it ... I'm just kiddin witchu, be right back.
Sherwood
You look awfully dressed up Billy. Are you going somewhere fancy?
BJP
Yes, actually. Im supposed to meet up with a close friend at the theatre. Its a puppet show. Ill probably need to find another taxi.
Sherwood
Oh! No, no Billy. The subway is the fastest way to that theatre.
Cashier
Heres yo food yall.
BJP
Thanks. I dont know about the subway. That just seems like where all the homeless and terrorists go. I mean....
Sherwood
Offensive. It's okay, as long as you are with me, people won't bother you... which Ive never really understood. People don't bother me often. I kind of like it.
BJP
I think I'd like that too. As much as I will regret the subway, the show starts very soon. Come with me, itll be fun.
BJP
Oh dont worry, its like WVUs PRT... except cleaner.
Sherwood
So who's your friend?
BJP
Well... just... kind of the president.
Sherwood
Oh yeah? The president, huh? Whos the president this time around?
BJP
..... President Ching Ka... the first Asian American President. What, have you been living under a rock?
Sherwood
No, just the box.
BJP
I think this will be a lot of fun. A puppet show, like your roommate used to do... where did good old Sasquatch end up?
Sherwood
Oh yeah, good old Sasquatch! Hes got a real nice place on line G.
BJP
He lives on a subway line? Thank God there's a lot of money in performing arts.
BJP
If youd have told me Id be introducing my homeless friend to the president of the United States, Id say you were freakin crazy.
Ching Ka
Oh herro! Who your new friend?
BJP
Oh, this is my friend from college, Sherwood.
Ching Ka
Oh a correge graduate. For a moment I thought you were a homeress.
Sherwood
Well, the economy did tank and times have been tough. I took a liking to the streets.
Ching Ka
Oh!
Sherwood
Did I say something wrong?
BJP
Um...well just wait until you hear his speech.
Emcee
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a treat for you tonight. Here tonight and delivering his acceptance speech for his Nobel Peace Prize, President of the United States Ching Ka.
Ching Ka
I deepry humberd by decision by Nober Committee. It bring great honor to my famiry.I not view as recorgnition of own accomprishments but rather desire to rid nation of homeressness. My ferrow citizens: Ask not what Ching Ka can do for you, but how many homeress you can help keep off street.
Sherwood
Wait right there, Ching Ka or whoever the fuck you are. You act like the homeless are lower class citizens. If you give us change do we not smile back. If you pee on us when we sleep, do we not awaken. When you are walking alone down a dark lonely alley do we not chloroform you and rape you and invite our homeless buddies to all take turns raping you and then pour hot sauce all over your genetalia....oh, actually I didn't mean that last one. Part of living is art and free expression!
BJP
YEAH! He's right!
-Fight Scene- (Does it really need dialogue?)
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5:09
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