She sits me down on the side of the bed and the first thing I can think of is this: I'm in trouble. I assume I've done something wrong and quickly replay the past few days in my head to search for something. Nothing. She quickly tells me that I'm not in trouble which is very much a relief yet still a burden. What else can it be? I hope for nothing serious. We've had enough of that with her emergency hospital visit.
She takes my hands into her lap and she puts hers into their hold. I instantly know something is wrong. This is not like her. The only time she has ever done this is to tell me that she was pregnant. It was happy news of course but I know this is not... not with her eyes showing such troubled thoughts. Something is seriously wrong with my wife. I intently look at her, waiting for some kind of explanation.
She says nothing. I wait and wait but all she does is softly stroke my hands and look down. I ask her to look at me but she shakes her head. It's me. It's something about me. But what? I wonder until she starts to speak. Finally. But I do not like where it starts. She talks of the hospital visit and of how much she appreciates my love and support, especially throughout those days.
And I realize that it is not me. It is her. Something is going on with her and she is scared to tell me. I assure her that she can trust in me, that I will forever love her. The word forever brings tears to her eyes and my confusion only grows. What is going on with her? And then she brings up a crucial piece of information. She recalls something she made and now I know something is very wrong.
I again assure her that I am here and I will not be angry with whatever she tells me. And she starts to cry. My heart aches for her. I only wish she would tell me the reason for her sorrow. It kills me not to know what is troubling her. She promises me that she loves me with all her heart and that she forever will, that nothing could ever change that. I want an answer. I want the truth.
And that's when she tells me. The words hit me in a sense that I have never witnessed. They attack, they destroy, and they shoot me down mercilessly. I hope I have heard wrong or that this is all some horrible joke and she is only kidding. But she is not. No trace of lying is in her eyes. I cannot bear the news. I try to process it but my mind cannot take it. My heart is even worse. She has cancer.
Her words slur together. She's apologizing for not telling me, something about being afraid of my response but I am through thinking. She's going to... die? She says something in tears, that she loves me and that she never thought something like this would happen. She hopes I'm not mad and she's right. I'm not. There's another feeling I can't quite describe but it's there and it's killing me.
I am immobilized, trapped in time and words. Bad news has never sounded so horrible. I look toward her and she is distressed, wondering if I am still resenting her not telling me before. Looking at her pains me and I look away. What do I do? My eyes seem to refuse to produce tears, even though this is when I desperately want them. Or at least need them. She needs to see some kind of emotion from me.
We sit there for minutes, hours, countless time because it does not matter to me. All I can think of are her words that keep resounding in my ears. My eyes finally catch up. Tears start to slowly fall and I quickly put my head in my hands to hide them from her. But I know she sees them, for she cries even harder at seeing me. She continuously apologizes. Why? I know it is not her fault. It can never be.
I finally bring myself to hold her and she collapses into me. Why do I cry? Is she not so much more hurt than I am? This is her life and she has to face it, let it end. I hate the phrase. No. I can't let her die. Her sobs seep into my shirt, are absorbed through my skin, and I can feel the sadness penetrate my organs with such power that I cry out loudly in pain. My wife...
I hold her that night with more love and more tenderness than I ever have. I cannot save her. And that is what pains me the most. Here I am: willing to die for her any day and I cannot save her from death. Why? Why not?! Why can't I save her?! Just let me save her! Please... I can't lose her... not now. We cried that night. We made love that night. We kissed... but it was over.
Her final goodbye was the most heart wrenching thing that I ever endured. She said her soft, loving words and I was still hating myself deeply for not being able to save her. She tells me that I should save myself instead and I am angered. Never. She whispers her love once more before closing her eyes forever. Forever: the worst word I have ever heard. It only means that she is gone... forever. And she is never to return... never.
Loading...
6:37
doctors of madness - marie & joeby FillTheGaps3,607 views
Aw. Thanks. :)
madison50364 2 years ago
oh my god..its so sad..it a good story but sad..i hope me and my bf dont end up like that
100boycrazy 2 years ago
i am crying so hard right now! omg...*Sniffles* tht is so sad! y couldnt he save her?!?! *Starts to cry again*
lrx001 2 years ago
That was beautiful! but so depressing
This seriously brought tears to my eyes. I love how you described the scene!
Best one-shot i have ever read!
Yankeesgirl252 2 years ago
yhjshfjlksd.
:'\
i cried. yes, i did.
hannamichellex 2 years ago
this was beautiful...extremely sad but a beautiful piece of writing. u never cease to disappoint!! great job :)
luvjoenickkevinJB 2 years ago
THAT WAS ..........JUST AMAZING!seriously im speechless!
bratierocker71 2 years ago
Amazing. You are so talented! I love the anonymity of the characters, the fact that they could be anyone, anywhere.
softballchick2197 2 years ago
omg, that is so sad. :'( Like......wow!
this piece was so well put together, how brilliant.
augustbaby825 2 years ago
It takes alot for me to cry...
and by the end of this..i was balling!
Thank you, please make more!!! :D
jonasgirl233 2 years ago