The Hole In The Elephant's Bottom ~ Trad.arr.casetone2514

Tom and Ryan from Me, Uke and the Love triangle http://www.youtube.com/user/UkuleleUncle sent me a gift of a love elephant featured in this video. On opening the package this afternoon, a couple of things sprang to mind as I realised I was expected to blow in to a wooden elephant's anus in order to make it trumpet.

One was a reminder of a Sexual Health lecture I attended in about 1988 or '89 which began with the lecturer - a formiddable looking woman in VERY comfortable shoes - proclaiming in a very accusing tone: NEVER BLOW IN TO A VAGINA. Well, to be honest, I thought that would have gone without saying, but the way she fixed her glare on the men in the audience made me think that she suspected one or (more likely) all of us of making a regular thing of doing it. Even though the thought of it had never occurred to me before she implnted the suggestion into my head, I felt myself going red and feeling guilty. I tried to meet her stare with a look that said: 'I never have and I never would', but the expression on her face made me think she'd interpreted my look as: 'How do you fancy a bit of vulval inflation later, love'. I can honestly say that I have never attempted to blow in to a vagina to this day, so her opening gambit was successful on that score. However, I remember not one bit of the rest of the lecture.

The second thing that sprubg to mind was this song. I haven't heard it for a very long time and it is just as long since I've sung it. It is an old Music Hall song but I cannot find a reliable source that tells me who wrote of originally performed it. It is sung from yhe perspective of an actor who plays the back end of a pantomime elephant (if you are not a Brit, I'm sorry, it is too much to explain that here) and the antics he gets up to.

The scary lecture lady, I'm sure, never mentioned that anally inflating a pachyderm was verboten, so thanks again to Ryan and Tom and here are the lyrics plus a couple of extra verses:

The Hole In The Elephant's Bottom

I wanted to go on the stage
But at acting I simply was rotten
Now in pantomime I'm all the rage
As the hole in the elephant's bottom

Chorus
Ai, Ai, Ai-Ai
Ai, Ai, Ai-Ai-Ai
Over valley and hill there is no greater thrill
Than the hole in the elephants bottom

Now the eyes they are made of brown glass
Ventilation's completely forgotten
But you'd be surprised at the wind that can pass
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom

Oh there's plenty of room down inside
For bottles of beer if you've got 'em
The audience laugh as I blow off the froth
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom

Oh the audience think me a wit (suitable emphasis here!)
As they sit in the stalls I can spot 'em
And I wink at the girls in the pit
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom

A lady she chased after me
She said "You're a star, I can spot 'em"
I said "No Lady, thanks, I'm not Douglas Fairbanks
I'm the hole in the elephant's bottom"

Now I don't have to learn any words
There's no script to get quickly forgotten
I just sit in the back shoving property turds
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom

One night we performed in a farce
And they stuffed up the bottom with cotton,
But it split and I showed my bare arse
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom.

Some may think that this story is good
And some may believe that it's rotten,
But those that don't like it can stuff it right up
The hole in the elephant's bottom.

Category:

Music

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• trad
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• ukuleleuncle
• ryan
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[TheRealHateMan]

You look a lot like Kyle Gass from Tenacious D...

[equiplay]

Brilliantly done!

Been looking for this for ages.

[hackller]

whats a bonnon

[TheGrotesqueReality]

Blow into a vagina! ...thats so weird man!

[MrsJiffybag]

you are just devine, made me chuckle again and I was in full girlie strop! lol

[MrSandymanneke]

Yeah, nice music and entertainment :-)

[ctrymaus]

Very cute! I've never seen anything like that elephant you've got! LOL!

[IanReentrant]

This, sir, is your finest moment. Even better than your Cheltenham stage-dive.

[DearOldNutjob]

Well, you certainly didn't blow this. Great job, Tony!

[uke5417]

I can see the look on the terrorists' faces when they search "how to blow up things" on YT.

Excellent fun, as always.