Joan Collins Hates My Art

am shocked. Devastated. Mortified. And many other adjectives of that nature... Where do I even begin??

On Friday, I went to Long Beach for Joan Collins' one woman show. Like any healthy, normal gay I can't help but worship her for her bitchiness, her glamour, and her incredible talent as an actress. Not to mention the woman looks better at 76 than any 30 year old I know...And, who doesn't admire that!?!

When I heard about the show, I immediately bought front row tickets and decided to do a portrait of Joan, so I could grab some photos of her with it for Odyssey Magazine and WOW report. While the show ending up being the most entertaining hour and a half performance I've ever seen in my life. The two minute story Joan told the audience about how early in her career she met Marilyn Monroe and Marilyn warned her about sleazy studio heads that sleep with young actresses in exchange for movie parts, was worth the price of admission alone. Unfortunately, my evening was followed by sheer and utter tragedy...

Before the show, I set up a photo-op through Joan's amazingly kind and cooperative publicist. As far as the portrait was concerned, I figured it would go down the same as it did with Paris Hilton, Tori Spelling, Tammy Faye, and all of the other fancy ladies I've given portraits to. I was certain upon presenting Queen Joan with the portrait, she would snatch it out of my hand, she would tell me she loves it, cameras would flash, and we'd be instant friends....Oh, how wrong I was!!!!

Okay... before I go any further... I have to say...Truthfully, the portrait was definitely not my best work... I was not happy with it myself... I've been burnt out lately on portraits, okay??? I'm kind of over doing them after 10 years... Anyway, I'm an idiot and I should have realized: "OMG it's JOAN COLLINS!! Get it together!! " I should have done the best portrait of my life! But, what did I do? I smoked too much pot, I watched old episodes of Dynasty on You Tube as "research" and ending up spending only a day actually working on the portrait.... Friday night came sooner than I expected, so I finished it quickly. I thought it looked "good enough", so, I sprinkled some glitter on it , glued a couple tacky rhinestones around it and ran out the door.. Well, "good enough" doesn't work for Joan Collins!!!

When I arrived at the theater, her husband Percy and my new best friend Patty Freedman (Joan's publicist) said the portrait was fabulous and Joan would certainly like it. I realize now, they were both just being polite....

After the show, my big moment came to hand Joan the portrait. Well, Joan Collins took one unimpressed glimpse and (in front of everyone backstage) she said: "You keep it. I have so many portraits of myself.." I instantly wanted to throw myself off the nearest cliff, but, I somehow maintained composure long enough for my much coveted photo op with the Queen herself and my shity portrait. Watch the video and see the absolute horror for yourself!!!

- Sham Ibrahim

Category:

Entertainment

Tags:

• Sham Ibrahim
• World of Wonder
• WOW Report
• Joan Collins
• Art Show

[michaelvoshell]

what a wench!.. she needs to embrace the fans she does have. guess she really is the bitch she portrayed so well on tv all these many many years. your portrait rocked and u kept it cool!

[JoanCollins2009]

I love Joan but ,shes gotta respect the fact this guy spent ages on it and is a fan she could have taken it and flung it away there no need to be rude if i had spent all that time on it and she said that to me id have taken the painting and smacked her on the face with it to give her a reality queue without fans dear joan you are but nothing you do best to remember that dear xx

[lildarlingchaz]

did i not hear her say "oh its beautiful but no you can keep it as i have so many" ? from joan i'd take that as a compliment :) your portrait was beautiful i just think perhaps she was a bit too busy to show her appreciation don't allow this to dent your confidence as an artist you are fab! :D X

[renwest51]

That was a nice piece of art work! I think Joan was being kind by letting you keep it so you can eventually sell it some day for thousands! I'd go $150 on it right now.

[JoanCollins2009]

@FunWithStuttering

lmfao more dickends than weekends

[wisehammer]

Some nasty old queens leaving comments here. Joan doesn't deserve such vitriol. Thanks Sham for posting. I like your style. ;)

[florentinpro]

yes, unfortunately this egiptyan MUMMY is still alive, but I really hope she'll leave us soon.... it's disgusting, she s old like hell and ugly ugly ugly. Old crap....bleahhhhhhhhhhh

[nfloorin]

this OLD crap is still alive????? Disgusting....

[creejay]

@taraniso I have to agree...the portrait is hideous, and I can't even see the glitter or rhinestones. BUT good on you for having a good sense of humour and posting this online!

[jkmoomoo]

I would totally buy it

[paulb6364]

@kakers22 NO, she is a bigger bitch. Not so appealing when you reach the age of 65 and above