The Dysfunctional Family Roles
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@edtempfan Additionally, in the worst cases, they will lose more respect for you on a subconscious level for returning to their abuse. It is painful to accept that your family was bad for you, but in the end, returning to them and the role they expect of you will cause even more pain. There is nothing worse than dealing with abusers who claim the moral high ground, and view any backing down as a moral failing. You ultimately have to be painfully honest with yourself.
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One reason he clings on to dear life in the pathological belief in the NPD parent/s' perfection is this. If the golden child ever admits to the pathology of his NPD parent/s, it means that he would have to give up his self-inflated belief in his superiority over the scapegoat. It also means that he has to give up the narcissistic and grandiose belief he is "the special one," and better than others.
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We know he is defending the abuse to help ENFORCE the dysfunctional roles that were ordered and designated by the NPD parent/s. As I said, the golden child is a co-abuser. Here is an example of the golden child's co-depenence on the abuse! The golden child will defend the abusive NPD parents, and he will tenaciously deny the pathology of the NPD parent/s. He will fight anyone that acknowledges the pathology of the parents.
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The golden child defends the abuser NPD parent/s. The golden child has definite "identify with the aggressor" traits. The golden child will find any irrational excuse for the NPD parent/s' abuse, and will defend the parents to the scapegoat. Religion is often used as an excuse for this. The golden child will tell the scapegoat that he or she is defying God by saying something negative abou the NPD parents, and may, for instance, deliver an "Honor thy mother and father" rap, but we know he is ju
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The golden child will deny to the scapegoat that the abuse happened, and will even deny it throughout adulthood. The denial that the abuse took place is a (continuing) form of abuse. It is abusive, in that it is gaslighting, as it is denying reality to the abused. Hearing the denial that the abuse took place is crazy-making to the victim. The denial is meant to upset the abused scapegoat. The denial also invalidates the experience of the scapegoat.
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I have thought of writing a book on the golden child. These are a few of my observations about him. The golden one is taught from an early age that abusing the scapegoat is socially acceptable, if not desirable, in or within the family. You have heard of co-dependents when it comes to alcohol. Well, the golden child is co-dependent when it comes to abuse, and by nature, the golden one participates in the abuse, and is a co-abuser. Both overt and absent abuse.
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Right on. I went through this same stuff. I had 2 NPD parents, me the goat.The golden child in my family raged any time I even brought up the abuse. I finally had to cut them off. I don't see why I should have to cover up for child abusers. It was weird seeing him program his kids to mirror HIM in turn. It's like his own narcissism made him want to clone himself. His kids are loved based on their emulating and mirroring his grandiose beliefs about himself and his interests. It's creepy. I'm SO
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I am so.... sorry your family treated you badly. I know what it's like to grow up in a dysfunctional home.
Thank you for putting up this video
God bless you
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Mr. 'psychdoctorate' you realize everything you're saying and viewing things from is using Psychology, or some of the various many different fields within Psychology. You're using all those ideas given to you by it, all those terms given you by it etc. How do you know you're right? How do you know Psychology is true or correct? A lot of other people who have studied Psychology say it's bunk. Who's right? You? lol
bixbybixby 3 weeks ago
@bixbybixby I know they are real by several means. By experience, critical thinking and the research behind it.
Psychology as a science is more than you could ever think. Yes it is a science. And an evolving one at that.
Its not about who is right, it is about what the fact and research say. Do they back up the theories and do the theories support the fact!
PsychDoctorate 3 weeks ago
nice video but now what do you still talk to your parents or do you never talk to them again.
edtempfan 8 months ago
@edtempfan I made the decision to never speak with them again. It was not an easy one to come to, but ultimately I had to make it for myself. I beleive that if I did not take this stance, I would not have been able to start developing a good understanding of healthy boundaries but what constitutes normal behavior and what constitutes abnormal behavior. I have moved through a lot of anger and rage, and it has lessened over time, but I still do not want to have any contact with my family again.
PsychDoctorate 8 months ago 2
@edtempfan I also do not recomend taking this step for anyone unless absolutely necessary. It is one step from which going back will not only open old wounds, but yoru family will probably never change either and they will want you to go back to being the way you were before.
PsychDoctorate 8 months ago 3
I was a scapegoat child, now a Mom myself, making sure that my children dont go throu the same suffering and lack of self esteem i had at their age. As I'm aware of the suffering i had while growing up, it take a huge amount of energy and awarness to not repeat those killer words. Sometime got to act kind of selfish to protect them from the violence that lay within me, wich is controlled by taking a time out. if it work on a 2 yo it work also on emotion control.
flyMaryse 1 year ago
@flyMaryse Good for you taking a proactive stance on raising your children with more emotional/self control than some others. Yes it takes a lot, but it is worth it in the end. On a semi humorous note, my cat "children" were fighting the other night. Instead of yelling, and rushing about I got the agressor, my siamese cat and put him in the bathroom, for a time out. Or as I jokingly put it with a good coworker, "protective custody." He was safe from my rage, which he did not deserve.
PsychDoctorate 1 year ago