Dan Savage on a B/F that Can't Say "I Love You" After 2 Yrs

Wouldn't you want to be with someone you DOESN'T emotionally torture you?

Category:

Entertainment

Tags:

• iloveyou
• commitment
• relationships
• powerplay
• headgames
• emotions

[Rillion12]

Yes. Dan owns 40 of each type of t-shirt that he has. It cuts down on the daily fashion decision-making process.  This does not impede his ability to dispense accurate relationship advice.

[EyeLean5280]

Dan is absolutely right here.

My life began the day my relationship with one of these "witholders" ended.

Now I'm married to a loving, smart, funny, gorgeous man and we have a beautiful daughter we're raising in a neighborhood we love.

So if you're stuck with a witholder, un-stick yourself TODAY. Every second you stay with him is time you could be spending being happy instead.

[BrigitteAbbendis]

Err fuck, I didn't go back on a second date with a girl because I didn't feel like I loved her.

People still can't say those words after 2 years?

[LichQueenKathie]

He sounds like an avoidant type. He might not have had a very good childhood, and breaking up with him would make him feel worse. Probably, his template says "All people are scum." and it's probably hard for him to attach to anyone securely.

That said, I would ask the girl to encourage him and say things like "I really do care for you" often because he might not believe that she does. In short, he's scared to make a bond. You'd either need to make him bond with you or break up, in the end.

[joedoschMSU]

Ha. I love how much contempt Dan has for He's Just Not That Into You. He can't even say it.

[gettingkilt]

@Aicirt8 Au contraire. He didn't call HER whiny and pathetic, he called her letter that. Then he pointed out that it was abusive of the guy to turn her into this pathetic creature, and that she needed to take responsibility and become something stronger. He's right.

[NotADeadCat]

@EyeLean5280 congrats hun!!!! <3

[Aicirt8]

I agree with Dan's advice here, but I felt it was a little harsh to be calling her whiny and pathetic. It really hurts when you love someone and they don't love you back, and it is a VERY difficult thing to leave someone you love.

[adhdboy699]

@punjipunch I know the feeling ( Though that has left me) But after two years.. come on

[EyeLean5280]

@eggsetcetera HOLD ON THERE A MINUTE!

Where the hell did you get the idea you are "unworthy" of love? Because I promise you that isn't true.

If that's how you see yourself, that's exactly the thing that's in your way. How can anyone else find out what's worth loving in you if you don't even know it's there yourself?

Yes, I agree cliches are not helpful, but calling yourself "unworthy" is the kiss of death to your future happiness, and a discussion "accepting" it will be your heart's requiem.

[eggsetcetera]

@EyeLean5280 I'm older and tried for decades. I was positive, involved in charity work and pleasant for DECADES. I'm not miserable as I have friends and work that I enjoy. I just wish people would quit lying and saying cliches like "there is someone for everyone" or "you'll find someone when you are not looking". It's dismissive and a lie. I wish somewhere there could be a discussion on how to accept being unworthy of love and how to be happy alone.

[EyeLean5280]

@punjipunch, I understand. A lot of people feel that way.

And it is absolutely true that we make ourselves vulnerable when we say "I love you," and sometimes we do get hurt.

But think about it this way: if you won't say it, you're making your partner feel just as vulnerable - and in the end, you won't reduce your chances of getting hurt one bit. In fact, you might be increasing them.