Here's To Cupid (Anti-Valentine's Day Song) - by Kevin Sage

Bitter? Yes. Single? Hell yeah!

---Lyrics Below---

A day lateAnd a dollar shortWhen it come to finding loveI just pick the wrong doorSo here's to CupidI raise my glassAnd if I see him againI'll shove that bow and arrow up hisWhoah, whoahWhoah, whoah

I hate that friggin holidayWho the hell is Saint Valentine anyway?I'll bet all of his single friends thought he was a douchebagI've had a lot of unsuccessful relationshipsHell, I'm still single, so they were all unsuccessful relationshipsBut I definitely some were more unsuccessful than others
Like the one who threatened to punch me in the faceSome of my friendsThink I've given upAll I can say is, wellPretty much, yeahA day lateAnd a dollar shortWhen it come to finding loveI just pick the wrong doorSo here's to CupidI raise my glassAnd if I see him againI'll shove that bow and arrow up hisWhoah, whoahWhoah, whoahWent out with a girl from LADriving to dinner on the very first dateShe took out her front teeth and showed me her dental plateFor some reason we never went out again.I dated a girl from PeruDecided to meet in Miami for a little rendezvousWhen she used the restroom she wouldn't let you inFor a good 30 minutes because she said she had digestive problemsThen I dated an attorneyA word to the wise: Never date an attorneyTalk about the 3rd degree
Where were you?
Who was with you?
Why didn't you pick up the phone when I called you?
Why did your cell phone go straight to voicemail?
Why didn't you respond to my texts or my emails?
Why wasn't your car parked outside in the driveway?
Did you get a receipt from the cab back to your place?
What were you drinking?
How much did you drink?
Did you buy anyone else at the bar there a drink?
Was there karaoke?
Did you sing Summer Lovin?
Who sang the female part to Summer Lovin?
What was she wearing?
Did she have a good voice? Huh?
Was she PRETTIER THAN ME? LIAR!
You know what the worst part
Of being your girlfriend
Is I've seen photos of
Some of your ex-girlfriends
And I'm much prettier than
All your ex-girlfriends
So now I have to be
JEALOUS OF UGLY CHICKS TOO?
Don't touch me!
And last but not least, the one that was drunk out of her mindShe was worse than Courtney Love and Amy Winehouse combinedI walked her to her door, said, "Can I use your restroom?"When I came out, the chick was, well, completely nude. Loading the dishwasher.She was loading the dishwasher.Now I was in the bathroom less than a minute. And in that amount of time she managed tostrip down to just her ankle socks. But that must not have taken very long, see, because after she had completely disrobed, she evidently had time to think to herself, "You know what? While I'm waiting, I should start a load of dishes." But what's funny is that when she turned around, she was surprised to see me, which makes me question whether she had taken off her clothes because she had plans for me, or if she was so drunk she had forgotten I was even there. Or she's just a Chronic Multi-Tasker. And guys, there's nothing sexy about walking in on a girl, drunk, from behind, bent over, naked, in ankle socks, trying to squirt soap into the dishwasher. It's like watching a baby giraffe learn to walk for the first time. And then taking that baby giraffe to the carnival and teaching it to shoot the water gun into the clown's mouth.How do I find them?I don't have a clueBut the problem can't be me, noGirl, it's got to be you becauseI'm a day lateAnd a dollar shortWhen it come to finding loveI just pick the wrong doorSo here's to CupidI raise my glassAnd if I see him againI'll shove that bow and arrow up hisWhoah, whoahWhoah, whoah

I'm a day late
And a dollar short
I'm a day late
And a dollar short
I'm a day late
And a dollar short

I'm a day late
And a dollar short
When it comes to finding love
I pick the wrong door
Hey Cupid
Let me buy you a drink
You can sit on down
I'll tell you what I think
I think it's kinda strange
The Prince of Romance
Is too damn young
To wear Big Boy Pants
But I got a cure
For your diaper rash. Oh yeah!
You see that bow and arrow?
I'm gonna shove it up your--
Whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa

I'm a day late
And a dollar short
I'm a day late
And a dollar short
I'm a day late
And a dollar short

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• kevin
• sage
• comedy
• satire
• valentine's
• day
• love
• romance
• relationships
• dating
• country
• taylor
• swift
• intervention
• nude

[kajintin]

I'm hosting an anti-valentine protest on Facebook this year. A week count down of songs to Single Awareness Day (S.A.D). Saving your song for the finale ;)

By the way, dating a deputy sheriff is equally horrifying! Like some bad f*cking country song gone wrong.

Sincerely not as bitter ... Elizabeth S

[vinsage]

@kajintin I am honored to be a part of your S.A.D. Loved your email, btw. CRAZY!!

[liz1060]

When you're single all decisions are unanimous, you don't have to explain it to anybody -- and you don't have to eat when someone else is hungry, sleep when someone else is tired or f *** when someone else is horny -- lol -- but maybe guys wouldn't understand that last thing ...

[vinsage]

Word up, liz!

[AngeliaClaire]

Kevin my darling. I couldn't help to notice how you said being single is AWESOME and you raised your right fist and looked at it....I laughed my ... OFF! Also it is pathetic to me to have your weddding date on valentines day. What a chleche'! I am not sure if I spelled that correctly frankly I don't give a damn! I love you! xxoo

[kimberlyanneharper]

I LOVE THIS!!

[KentuckyGirl381]

Thank you for this song I'm single as well and it really feels good to hear a song that ain't all lovey dovey on V-Day (a.k.a the worst holiday ever invented, especially if your single)

[paranormalchicka777]

fuck valentines day! I have to put up with crummy hearts strewn across the lampposts, a parade, the crowning of miss loveland(aka miss valentine) and shit.

[choirgirl6496]

I'm not single but I hate Valentines day

[upallhours9]

I hate Valentine's Day -Yes am single.

[bladehue2]

needed to hear this song. my girlfriend just told me she doesn't want anything serious with us.

[ArianaNicole22]

Your awesome!



[AprilReign]

I just realized how incredible it was that he performed that song in ONE take -- a TRUE PERFORMER. I love the Green Gremlin Blood part! I just wanna see Kevin VERY rich and Very FAMOUS

[AprilReign]

I just realized how incredible it was that he performed that song in ONE take -- a TRUE PERFORMER. I love the Green Gremlin Blood part!

[Shadowedmetalhound23]

Hey man I gotta say I know people use songs and do covers of certain songs for an Anti-Valentines Day but I gotta say that's awesome you wrote this completely original song. This in fact made me write my own Valentines Day song BUT ALL METALLY!!! You can check it on out with my rant on my channel. KEEP ROCKING \m/ Maybe I'll have a new one coming up

[chelylock]

I love this song :) I am totally Anti Valentines day lol :)

[AngeliaClaire]

Have you tossed your bucket? Basket? Marbles? Cookies? ect?

[captinfuzzybums]

im not single but its goin to shit for the last week hopefully just a bumb but im gettin to the point i dont care anymore on valentines day it either sucks or you get laid then it sucks. if your lucky itll suck then get laid then suck again. thank you dude i needed this shit i dit get the job i went for and the gf is bitchin and baby momma drama up the ass and child support

[NikosIbanezRG]

Dude, you're awesome! The complete truth :-)

I can't stand my ex gfs

[TheSecurityNinja]

First off I would like to thank you for actually making me laugh and feel better about this god awful day...Humor is the best way to get through difficult times like annoying holidays like this and I want you to know that I will be playing your song in my head all day today...while resisting the urge to steal and burn all those stupid heart shaped décor......yeah, maybe not....anyhoo thanks again for the laugh!!

[igaloj]

I too am single and have been for 14 years. Dated many and have found I am to picky for my own good. I am shallow and find fault always. LOLOLOL Love your song and posted it on my wall..... I love my independence!!! I just had a blind date with a guy with no teeth a toupe' no job no car no job. F.ck me silly!!! I am my own best friend and love to call the shots. Thanx for the song. Happy V-day!!!!

[AngeliaClaire]

ok I i AM SEEING 2X RIGHT NOW.  shit> my tourettee are going to kick in ! ;)

[AngeliaClaire]

I am your gal babe right here darlin. Happy Vallentines Day my LOVE! XXOO! ;)

[blockheadface]

@AngeliaClaire Cliche. :)

[megmeg71402]

that just made my day 1000 times better!  good to know I'm not alone...

[dreaminofjmac]

This was so hilarious. I can't believe these things actually happened haha

catchy song btw ;D

[photoxloan]

I GOT IT NOW! YOU LOOK LIKE MATT NATHANSON! lmao

[GOBBLERTLH]

lol! that was truly ULTIMATE!!!!