John Stalvern the zombie: Be killed by demons

John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• 4chan
• paranormal
• john
• stalvern
• zombie
• demon
• doom
• repercussions
• of
• evil
• Peter
• Chimaera

[jslcapital78]

It's not that different from Shakespeare -- an unfamiliar prose style with killer one liners.

"No, John. You are the demons"

[TheBlownAmp]

i plasmaed my pants when i heard that... XD

[AlexTr0uble]

I felt the orgasm by my ears

[Tsumekia]

Why is this the first time watching this video?

[theothercommentguy]

Oh look it's the mass effect 3 ending

[BlackSephir]

Cry dis if you like erry time ;_;

[lordalastor99]

@ownagizerbunny: I figured it out and it's actually extremely easy. I prefer a lower pitch though because I have a lower voice, but rythmic variation aside it's the same three chords all the way through.

[Gazdakka]

@danish211 No, and then Kratos was a zombie.

[Kujakuseki01]

I wish my radio crackered. :(

[Ptook]

This will never be not funny

[DarkApostleMatt]

I never laughed so hard

[LoewenPforte]

Masterpiece!

Screw Shakespeare and those other phonies.