Just Play Along Review - Gex (PSX)

This is the worst thing ever.

(Gex © 1995 by Crystal Dynamics)

It was 1995 when the Playstation came alive.
PSX, not PSOne. It was the only one at the time,
And the system needed to climb up the charts
And into the hearts of players and nay-sayers.

So enters a wave of games to save the day, but hey,
What's this one with the gecko on the front?
By the way, was this a sign of the system's ferocity?
The cases for these games were monstrosities! Anyway...

This, as you see, is a 2-D platforming
3DO port, to make a long story short,
Which is why you can't use memory cards, only passwords.
Compatibility was a little ass-backwards.

So Gex is trapped in this world called the Media Dimension, but did I
Mention all the terrible perils he must barrel through?
Like this dude; he walks back and forth like a lemming.
And all of these guys do the exact same thing.

Yeah, some have projectiles or even a weapon,
And all the while there are pits you can step in,
But in terms of challenge there's not much here to go on.
The TVs just rely on you being a moron.

The reason the bosses leave me at a loss is the fact
That the way they attack is in patterns short and sweet;
Easy to defeat, if formulaic.
Even at the time this design was archaic.

Now I've said a lot, but I almost forgot about our hero,
The bug-chewing, quote-spewing ex-zero.
Sticking to walls, when the opportunity calls. He does this
Early and often and he never ever falls.

He can shoot out his tongue, to get health and new abilities
Like super speed, or invulnerability.
He can also gain fire, ice, and electric attacks
Which you might never run out of 'cause these abilities stack.

What the crap? There's power ups all over the map!
And there are more than enough extra lives to go around.
Just look at how many I've got in Chinatown.

44.

(Mini-rant)

Find these remotes, which are supposed to be hidden
But almost always near the exit, so who're they kiddin'?
And on top of the save feature, or rather the lack of,
The game gives you a score which it doesn't keep track of.

The traps are marked by items almost all of the time
And Gex never shuts up with the quotes and the lines,
But before it slips my mind, now's a good time for saying it.
The game still has the decency to thank you for playing it.

Overall Gex isn't awful or great,
It's just kind of mediocre, but the part that I hate
Is that the game is barely three hours long. Why's that so wrong?
It took me longer to write this song.

Category:

Gaming

Tags:

• Review
• Game
• Gex
• Playstation
• Platforming

[jcjteeju]

brilliant! I loved this!

how long did it really take for you to write this?

[scxcr]

Just the lyrics took about four hours across two days.

[KraigZero]

man i cant believe you made a review of a game in a song, thats awesome

[mattj120]

That song just blew my mind

[KurtKokaine1]

Absolutely brilliant. You have so many talents, it's hard to tell what you're best at. But yeah, as for rhyming and flow, you earn 25 stars.

[DevilBottlesBoy]

Ah, this game, Gex, is a classic PSX game. Nice song though!

[AmayirotAkago]

SCR, you're the man.

[ProjectReality64]

browns suck, go bills. lol

[Lupinya]

Nice Video!!=)))

[LanIost]

And what's with the "This is the worst thing ever" and then the "it's not awful or great" contradiction?

[LanIost]

I loved Gex... It's not a perfect game but the controls are solid and the game is fun.

It's not like it's the only game where you can get a shit ton of lives. Mario games aren't exactly the hardest games in the world, have simple AI and yet are still fun because of the fact that they are solid and have great control.

I would tell people to give it a go as it is a lesser known plat. that is miles above the average platformer which because there are so many are terrible.

[stojanovich]

this was and is a great game!You don't know what you'r talking about!

[amutimer1]

that was pretty neat and awesome, you have alot of talent man, although it was pretty opinionated