A musical recreation of the nominating committee meeting at which the ballot for the annual Chlotrudis Awards is set.
Award hosts:
Michael Colford
Ivy Moylan
Other performers in this video:
Scot Colford
David Valdes Greenwood
Amanda Cincotta
Andrew Cincotta
Beth Curran
LYRICS
Honored committee, we are gathered here in Cambridge with pride
To decide
On the final slate
Of stuff we're going to nominate
From the films moviegoers underrate
You submitted online what you want
To make the cut -- and try their luck as
Chlotrudis noms
Let's make this gratifying
Satisfying
For us all by ratifying
Ground rules for the day
That we all agree
Help us not look like fools
Call others tools
Avoid duels
The films are weighted, equated
A ratio is stated
So nothing overrated
So unabated becomes inflated
And lesser-seen films of course,
Have a fair and fighting chance
A movie release
That's slow makes a film worthy
Or we watch on DVD --
Or IFC --
And culled
By a festival
The rest we just ignore
Our first category's up
This ought to go fast
Ensemble Cast
Does Jackie Weaver play the lead in this?
Ensemble, dear
The Alan Arkin rule applies.
I don't think that's wise!
Vote?
It's ensemble -- she's supporting
So what about I Killed
My Mother, Applause,
North Face, White Material,
Valhalla Rising,
Cairo Time, and
Enter the Void?
Ugh
The max is six
Seven sometimes
Oh, well, that sure is a crime
Guess I can't win!
Lock it in!
John Hawkes, Geoffrey Rush, Miles Teller, John Ortiz
Fassbender's a contender, let's cut off after these
Robin Hill and others, I guess we could add more
But all those below here have weights much less than four
A raincheck for Spacek, does someone need a sane check?
Frustration! Damnation!
Add my nomination
Pursuaded, it's traded, I hate it when it's close
Cut off after Hoffman, the rest go adios.
Novice actress, veteran of stage
Parts dry up once they hit middle age!
Our kisses to misses
Cause Oscar disses you!
Though each of these actresses are so accomplished
The older still play play moms
Chlotrudis noms
We never do add Tilda Swinton in
She's too intense.
She's feminine!
Really?
Well, no.
Directors!
Film directors from these sectors, we've got Korean,
American, a European, John Cam'ron Mitchell
Marwencol, Prodigal, chronicle
Art of the Steal competes with Exit Through the Gift Shop
Joan Rivers delivers
Our statuette for crystal meth, a lover's death, hold your breath
Jack Goes Boating -- Mother, Un-der-tow,
Winter's Bone -- learn to own your own throne
That's fucking retarded!
Piss and moan,
These choices we all own
So hold your qualms
Sorry... Sorry... Sorry...
Chlotrudis noms
As soon as the main ballot is set, a potluck dinner commences... Amanda Doran contributes her special creation in honor of the documentary Marwencol: an entire Belgian village sculpted from aerosol cheese and cocktail pretzels.
Julie Blumenthal calls Marilyn O'Connor, to persuade her to add just one nomination for someone other than her son.
Brian Tamm muses about the "documentary" Catfish and the message Chlotrudis sends should we choose to nominate it for Buried Treasure, which proves to be pointless, since only one member suggested nominating it for anything -- and it wasn't Brian.
Ned, Ivy, and Brian lament that Clouzot's Inferno wasn't nominated for Documentary... because they were the only three who saw it.
And Jason Seaver, having seen a record-setting one hundred fourteen eligible films, answers questions about movies no one else saw, such as, "Was The Human Centipede really that bad?" To which he replies:
"Actually I'd nominate it for Ensemble Cast"
Gross!!
Excuse me -- I don't think that we're done
The buried treasure film award's our best one
Point taken -- You're not mistaken
Might take hours to reach consensus
There's a diff'rent decision making
Process we use for this category
Buried Treasure --
Quarter million dollar U.S. profit maximum
First cut
From forty-three submitted
Titles we remove the eight se-
lected for Best Movie, Docu-
mentary, or big-league honors
Next
We prune the list of films the
Members think had decent backing,
Many think is not a treasure,
Or if we can't get a screener
Third
We take a secret ballot
For the single film attendees
Think they want to be selected
Whether they saw it or not
Once again
Pass the hat and
Pick your fav'rite buried treasure
Now it's just an even dozen
One more cut would make us scream
We email to all members
For review
To Bruce, To Peg
To You, And You And You, You And You
To members living in, living in,
Living in
Denver and N.Y.C.
Replies define our final six
Only once we get Thom's
Chlotrudis noms
We like film out of the
Mainstream
Do you like film out of the
Mainstream?
Leave the cineplex
Full of rejects
You have got an
Attention span
We don't make fun
Of the Oscars...
We ignore them
Chlotrudis noms
Here's to Chlotrudis noms!
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