Lashings Of Ginger Beer Time: Vagina Dentata
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Uploaded on Sep 1, 2010
Warning: There is some strong language in this one.
Lilka, Silvestre and Robette charm us with their wonderful rendition of 'Vagina Dentata'.
Filmed August 2010, at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
[Transcript: SIMONE and TOMBA, two butch lesbians, watch as NALA, a young woman in a dress and a lion headdress, stands by herself at the side of the stage.
SIMONE: Gee, I don't know, she looks kinda angsty.
TOMBA: Aw, c'mon, you always know the right thing to say to cheer me up when I'm feeling down.
SIMONE: OK, just for you. Hey kid, what's the matter?
NALA: Well, let me tell you. I had a perfectly normal kittenhood, you know, hanging out at the watering hole with my friends, exploring the elephant graveyard, occasionally bursting into psychedelic song-and-dance number with Rowan Atkinson... But then, it all went downhill. My entire pride went into mass mourning when our king died and our prince ran away, and all the other lionesses were like, 'Oh no, what are we going to do, we haven't got a big strong manly male to look after us!'. And I'm like, 'Guys, didn't you have a princess as well? Didn't Nala learn all the same things as Simba when they were cubs together? And wasn't she just as brave, and just as fast, and let's face it, she was significantly smarter than him!'. And then they said, 'Oh my God, you're so right! YOU go and find us a big strong manly male to look after us!'. And it was about then that I started on the catnip, and it's just been a downward spiral ever since...
SIMONE: Yeesh. Kid, kid, kid. Listen up. In circumstances like these, I only got two words for you. VAGINA DENTATA.
SIMONE: Allow me to explain. [music begins, sung] Vagina dentata! What a wonderful phrase!
TOMBA: Vagina dentata... ain't no passing craze!
BOTH: It means no penis for the rest of your days!
It's our phallus-free philosophy,
NALA: V-vagina dentata?
TOMBA: Yeah. It's our motto!
NALA: What's a motto?
SIMONE: Nothing. What's a-motto with you?
[the other two glare]
I'm so sorry, I'll never do that again.
TOMBA: Kid, those two words will change your life!
SIMONE: That's right. Take Tomba for example.
Why, when she was a young butch dyke...
TOMBA: When I was a young butch dyyyyyyyke!
SIMONE: Very nice.She found sex with boys left her less than impressed,
She was heartsick, frustrated, annoyed and depressed,
TOMBA: I'm a sensitive soul, though I wear dungarees.
And hetero sex... well, it just didn't please.
And what a surprise! (SIMONE: Oh, what a surprise!)
TOMBA: Felt no interest in guys, (SIMONE: Who really needs guys?)
TOMBA: Got so sick of their stunts, (SIMONE: So what did you want?)
TOMBA: What I wanted was --
SIMONE: No! Oh, wait, it's after 9.
[beat, both look shocked, then gleeful]
BOTH: Vagina dentata! What a wonderful phrase!
Vagina dentata... ain't no passing craze!
NALA: It means no penis... for the rest of your days?!?
SIMONE and TOMBA: It's our phallus-free philosophy!
ALL: Vagina dentata!
TOMBA: Mmmn. Slimy, yet satisfying.
[TOMBA, SIMONE and NALA retreat to the back of the stage as the chorus dances on]
CHORUS: Vagina! Dentata! Vagina! Dentata!
SOLOIST: Vagiiiiiiiina dentata!
[NALA leaps to the front of the stage, now dressed in a flannel shirt and butch hat]
NALA: It means no penis for the rest of your days
ALL: It's our phallus-free philosophy
[the entire cast conga-lines off stage]
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