Can Narcissists Truly Love?

Everything you Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq1.html

One type of narcissist "loves" others as one would attach to objects. He "loves" his spouse, for instance, simply because she exists and is available to provide him with Narcissistic Supply. He "loves" his children because they are part of his self-image as a successful husband and father. He "loves" his "friends" because -- and only as long as -- he can exploit them.

Such a narcissist reacts with alarm and rage to any sign of independence and autonomy in his "charges". He tries to "freeze" everyone around him in their "allocated" positions and "assigned roles". His world is rigid and immovable, predictable and static, fully under his control. He punishes for "transgressions" against this ordained order. He thus stifles life as a dynamic process of compromising and growing -- rendering it instead a mere theatre, a tableau vivant.

The other type of narcissist abhors monotony and constancy, equating them, in his mind, with death. He seeks upheaval, drama, and change -- but only when they conform to his plans, designs, and views of the world and of himself. Thus, he does not encourage growth in his nearest and dearest. By monopolizing their lives, he, like the other kind of narcissist, also reduces them to mere objects, props in the exciting drama of his life.

(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html)

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• narcissist
• emotions
• feelings
• love
• narcissistic supply
• objectification
• empathy
• dehumanization
• attachment
• bonding
• abandonment
• codependence
• codependent

[samvaknin]

@NuJoiseyMAN A minority of narcissists are women. See my videos on this topic.

[deepmind50]

dr.Vaknin, these videos are EXCELLENT !

[broombush]

Dr. Vaknin I can't thank you enough for sharing these videos. 1 yr ago my husband, best friend, and whole world suddenly and w/out warning commanded me to leave our home. In one day I went from being a fairytale wife to being ERASED. Understanding NPD has smoothed the raging river of wanting to literally die, to a calmer, manageable, normal grief. Healing will be next! Thank you, Dr. V.

[chess1302]

This seems a description of a selfish, spoiled person.

[YaelYael29]

Fantastic Videos you are an expert!!!

[SherryLaneify]

misunderstandings and often commitment of the ,victimized' person. If the feeling of ,love', the narcissist feels towards the person at the beginning of the story, is at a heavenlike stage, it gets kinda tough to deal with the destructive judgements on the other hand (which might be concealed for a while).

Although this chaotic and exhausting lifestyle might not be fully intended by the person, one must not forget that the personality is seriously damaged and they're mainly jackasses.

[SherryLaneify]

2nd: Especially what you would call a ,perfect love' is very strong at the beginning of the relationship. But it mainly remains a feeling, spontaneous like everything in the narcissist's personality. As they think, different than many humans, dissociatively (or it takes longer to think associative), they ,see' the imperfections of other beings more than their strenghts. If they have bpd they also feel some of the feelings of their opposite stronger than they might actually be. All that leads to

[SherryLaneify]

I don't want to encourage anyone to keep up destructive relationships, but in my experience at least the second type of narcissist (with bpd) does feel something like love, missing sadly and other ,humanly' feelings: it's rather that objectising, affronting and denying need is much more easy to them than actually risking being refused.

They're always wearing a mask.

But under the mask in fact there's chaos (oftenly), there's black and white thinking, selfish weird thoughts, boredom, fantasy.

[snugglishous]

me too, I finally understand !

[Drahgoon]

@mystery8881 Learn form your mistakes and try your hardest to be humble. Admiting it is the first step.