"It's Not Fair"

A mother talks about raising an adopted child.

Category:

Film & Animation

Tags:

• mother
• adoptive
• child
• adoptee
• adopted
• transracial
• adoption

[batmanzena]

When that mother said to the girl, "And it's not fair that when I look at you...." she totally missed the point. If the girl was any other she would have caught it too.

The mom has siblings, parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, who look like her.

The child has NO one who looks like her. I feel so bad for the girl because as an adult adoptee, I still feel the heartache and loneliness that comes with not knowing a single soul that looks remotely like me.

[meiling04]

Okay, when you say "It hurts *me* too"... it moves the focus from the adoptee's pain to the adoptive parent. Yes, I know it was you in the video.

An adoptive parent should be able to say "I'm sorry for *your* pain" instead of moving the spotlight from the adoptee to herself.

You can empathize with her, but you will never be her. That's what makes the difference in what I was trying to get at. You can say "I understand" - which is what you did, but then you moved the focus to *yourself.*

[silverakisame]

The reason this is so bad is that instead of comforting the girl, she turns everything back to herself. It's like "I'm hurting too" "I couldn't have babies". I mean the messages those things send to a child are not good.

[yummieyummie123]

way to derail that little girl's pain. It wasn't about the adopted mother in that moment. It was about the child, and her pain.

[rexappel]

I am adopted I know how that feels .. you dont know how that feels!!!

[summerfae]

@prsbes I am not a parent, I have the ability to bare my own children and I myself am not a racial minority. But I did grow up in a liberal upper middle class community where it was en vogue in the 80's to adopt non-white babies. So many of my childhood friends grew up burrying their feeling of being different and unsure of their place in a world they felt they did not belong to. I urge you to speak openly with your daughter about these issues. You may be surprised at what might be unsurfaced.

[jenkinscrowe]

@Kathylouu, have you looked at John Raible's site? It's an excellent resource on transracial adoption.

[LeeMIlby]

@jenkinscrowe

Yes, how are they supposed to provide for children if they don't have the means? They are just dooming the futures of those kids.

[prsbes]

I'm a single adoptive mother of a wonderful almost 14yr old. I adopted her when she was 28 days old. Thank you for your video. However, if I had seen it 14 yrs ago I was have been less likely to have adopted at all. Please know that my daughter and I have a wonderful life and I have not had the issues you talk about. I just wanted to voice my thoughts that your video could scare off potential adoptive parents. Adoption is a wonderful thing and folks should embrace it. Thank you.

[Sennoko]

"where did this come from?" is it not obvious? WOW :/

[exuberantpeace]

I honestly don't even have the word to express how DISGUSTING this clip was. You want to parent like her? The mother clearly needs to recover from her infertility guilt. God, this poor child. Adoption is in need of such reform. Some people...me, me, me. Save your woes and sorrows for someone else, not a child.

[nadeseh]

@Kathylouu don't adopt!! the baby brokers lie to first moms to create the market. This identity thing isn't because of RACE. read primal wound the girls that went away adoption healing.... there is so much more. you have a child, don't make adoption profiteers take another child to fill your desire.