This Circus We're In.. (admittance p2)

"you say you don't want it again,
and again but you don't really mean it,
you say you don't want it,
the circus we're in,
but you don't you don't really mean it you don't really mean it..." -tori amos, spark.

*when I say stoned, I'm referring to what the pills do to me. Not marijuana.

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• perfectionism
• addiction
• artistic
• weight
• eating
• disorder
• drugs

[Zarbod]

I know what you mean about doing things which are not consistent with goals. It's hard to keep it all together. I wouldn't have guessed you were getting stoned though. That really concerns me. I guess the real question is "what do you want to do with your life and what would it take to get there?" What really matters to you at this point?

[myartisfashion]

The "getting stoned" has been very un-intentional, really. It is what happens from taking meds/diet pills at the same time, consequently--was addicted to diet pills before being put on meds, makes it a bit difficult.

[kav0r]

how tall r u and how much do u weight? and try not to push people away..u'll end up living alone

[myartisfashion]

about 5'3" and 120 (healthy and muscular) No 'problems' of mine consist due to numbers anymore so I think that info is un-needed.

[favea]

I adore your creativity and art, you just described a wonderful person. I'm not taking any pills, I really fear them somehow and want to make it on my own... kind of I don't to be changed by anyone but my own power.

I hope you'll get better soon,

HUGS

[xnisha18x]

I really hope that one day soonyou realize how BEAUTIFUL u really are! Best Wishes to you! Send a comment back

[myartisfashion]

I was thinking about this today. My thought was basically that (from what I've seen and experienced) those who feel deeply are usually most capable of intelligence--"smartness". But also most capable of huge problems because of their deep emotions & mind together, which can contradict one another esp when surroundings aren't in tune with what they are feeling & therefore can't relate to what they are thinking. If that makes any sort of sense.

[Zarbod]

Oh you mean "getting high." I thought you meant you were smoking pot. That seemed out of character for you. I'm glad I misunderstood. I hope you don't hurt yourself with medical issues. I've found, sooner or later, the body wears out. I've found I can't handle stress the way I once could. Time marches on.

[peevishpear]

Thank you for posting this. It was like looking into a mirror..but i've been hiding, form everything and everyone. evade, avoid, ignore. I'm so tired. All the logic and rational thinking is trumped by emotion and my self-destructive habits. Knowing is not enough. I wish I had more encouraging words.

[dolphin087]

Jules, thank you for always being so honest. I read a book over the holiday season called, "Eating in the Light of the Moon..." and I highly suggest it:) I put a couple of quotes up on my channel, I am extending an invitation for you to "visit" and read them:)I see how incredibly passionate and thoughtful you are...I think it is beautiful...ahh I sooo relate and I just want you to know that I am "here" - anytime and always!