Creation Science News #1: Jesus Lives In Stem Cells

Chip Smegma's "Creation Science News Brief" series is a world-class news... brief... series that focuses on breakthroughs in the field of creation science. Scientific breakthroughs that is.

In this segment, Chip reveals astonishing evidence that proves beyond any reasonable doubt that Jesus is GOD... and that stem cell research, while evil and absolutely forbidden by God, has accidently back-fired on atheist abortion lovers to reveal the true nature of God and the unborn.

TRANSCRIPTION:

Chip Smegma here with yet another Creation Science Breakthrough News Brief.

A research intern at The Discovery Institute, a beacon to the world concerning matters of science and faith, has discovered absolute evidence for the existence of Jesus Christ, our lord and savior.

While examining embryonic stem cells stolen by God's command from a local abortion clinic, Robert "Billy Bob" Griffen, a prominent researcher in the fields of biology and hair follicle management, discovered the literal imprint of God upon this microscopic segment of a would-be cuddly baby.

"While gazing upon this murdered child, I was both shocked and delighted to see the word "Jesus" spelled out clearly in the cellular structure itself! This discovery validates our co-founder, Steven C. Meyer's work, most notably "Signature In The Cell". This goes beyond a "signature"... this is a clear message from the Creator of the universe... that Jesus is not only a word, but a savior... and it's even in English, God's chosen language."

Seen clearly in this photo, provided by Griffen himself and peer-reviewed by research colleagues at Christian Tracts International, is the word "jesus" spelled out within the stem cell.

Griffen et. al has submitted this finding to publications such as "Science", "Nature", and "The Researcher", but so far none of these peer-reviewed so-called "real" publications have bothered to respond.

Consequently, atheists around the world have responded to Griffen's findings with these dubious photographs which supposedly clearly shows the words "zeus" and "mark nason", world-famous shoe designer, both of whom are candidates for a deity according to some.

Griffen is currently pursuing his findings through further research in his basement lab in hopes he can discover other Christian words in stem cells, such as "Job"... not "job" but Job, or perhaps "pierced for our transgressions"... which admittedly may be a bit long of a phrase to fit within a stem cell... but God CAN do anything.

Griffen is currently pursuing his bachelors degree in science history from Cedar Ridge Community College in Lancaster, Texas. If believers wish to support Griffen in his financial need of continuing such strenuous studies, please send your donations to me, Chip Smegma, and I'll be sure to pass it on to Billy Bob.

Until next time, May the Creator of Science continue to prove how silly science can be. Praise God, and God Bless YOU.

Category:

Entertainment

Tags:

• Creation Science
• The Discovery Institute
• News
• Stem Cells
• Jesus
• Christianity
• Atheism
• Science and Faith
• Comedy
• Satire
• Chip Smegma

[rationalmuscle]

@MorganMarvinson Thanks for the honesty, Morgan. As someone who was (unfortunately) forced to study within this field, albeit from the nutritive side of the biological equation (I hated org chem), I can relate. Now, please understand that it's hard to take a non-scientist's critique of an actual scientist's work seriously if they cannot (a) reproduce the source; and (b) illustrate the critique of said source. Keep looking. I remain quite open to having a gander. Thanks!

[MorganMarvinson]

@rationalmuscle I haven't been able to find the video since it has been some time since I wrote him. I am not a scientist. I am a layman. My college biology teacher asked me if I was sure I wanted to pursue my major (which was not biology). I have encouraged my son in scientific study.

[rationalmuscle]

@grandmastersmith I see you love to quote the convicted criminal Kent Hovind. The quote you ripped off was referring to the PELVIS of the whale, taken word-for-word on one of Hovind's ridiculous websites. Just study up on Ambulocetus. Just one of many examples. Then do what you've done here: Run-tail over to AiG or some Ham/Hovind rag and spew out more bullshit "dude".

Re: "no pelvic girdle" nonsense: edwardtbabinski [ dot ] us/whales/whale-pelvis.html

Fuckin' genius is right you utter MORON.

[rationalmuscle]

@MorganMarvinson Please point out the misinformation in DE's video. I'd like to take a look myself. Meanwhile, what do you find objectionable to the, oh, 150,000 peer-reviewed papers on the topic? Obviously you cannot critique all of them, I realize.

Also, what area of study do you specialize in? Are you a trained biologist, or is this a hobby? I mean no disrespect; one can be informed without training, but I'm dubious when they ignore a very broad scope of research. Thanks.

[grandmastersmith]

@rationalmuscle Dude seriously check up on your whale anatomy.. those 'useless' pelvic bones are used to anchor muscles required for reproduction. If they did not have those bones they could not bear forth any offspring hence they wouldn't exist.. but yeah, no purpose or nothing right? fuckin youtube geniuses..

[MorganMarvinson]

@rationalmuscle I tried to give DonExodus a chance, but the scientific misinformation in the video I started watching turned my stomach and told me that one "mountain," built on false assumptions, was man made. I'll see if I can find it for you.

[rationalmuscle]

@MorganMarvinson Morgan, are you just too unwilling to look at the facts? Is that the problem? Forget "evolution vs creationism" (or whatever your stance) -- just look at the MOUNTAIN of videos on YT from biologists, chemists, etc. clearly explaining the process 'without' ridicule. Just a few: Evolution Made Easy series by Potholer54, DonExodus2's first two YEARS worth of videos... I could go on and on, but something tells me you don't want to learn; you only want to validate.

[MorganMarvinson]

@rationalmuscle "parody" Right. I do have a sense of humor and have commended some folks on finding the humorous side of things I value. However, this exercise in "parody" is simply an example of what evolutionary proponents do best--ridicule and it isn't particularly clever at it since it conflates evangelical fundamentalism with proponents of ID.

Of course, engaging a non-caricatured view of ID is not an evolutionary apologist's strong suit.

[rationalmuscle]

@grandmastersmith Congrats! You win Inane Comment of the Week. Do me a favor and look up what happens to vestigial bones over time.

No, wait: You believe those "tiny" pelvic bones were "designed," so they are not vestigial, and we've yet to find the real purpose behind them... but gosh-darnit THEY HAVE ONE!

Gotcha.

[rationalmuscle]

@MorganMarvinson Defensiveness? Dude, it's parody. I know you serve a god without a sense of humor (albeit ebola could count if you're morbid), but geez... lighten up a bit.