Destination God's GRACE

At age seven, shortly after my parent's divorce my father kidnapped me and my siblings. He took us from our state to Arizona. At that time the courts would not go out of state lines to help. So my mother was helpless in finding us and getting us back.

There was no milk jug or poster with our faces on it. We were not the tragic story on the news. Nobody was searching for us. We were a missing person with no help coming. Our father was an abusive alcoholic and were were entering a world where we had no power, no ammo and no experience fighting in this war. I remember the fear on my sibling's faces at times. I can remember the feeling of my body aching in fear when my father would start to take off his belt. It was just as painful to watch my siblings beat as it was to incur the lashes myself.

This story is not about me as much as it is about grace and God. I truly know of no better way to share with you the meaning of both God and Grace better than to share my journey through this nightmare. Some people question why would God let us go through such pain. Isn't that odd because I think how great is my God that He was there by my side protecting my mind and heart from being totally anialated. I see through this story that I was given a very real understanding of Gods grace so not be destroyed by the ugliness of my circumstances.

Can you imagine my small mind trying to make sense of my own father sneaking in my room at night and the taking us to church the next morning. Maybe you can't take hold of the meaning of grace yet in my story. Maybe you just see the hypocricy and helplessness of my situation. It is important that you come to understand that I was thrown a life line in the middle of this desperate situation. I got my first peek at this man named Jesus in a room full of children I imagine now as an adult that my young face blended in. That my silence may have conveyed insecurity but I am also sure that it did not deliver a sad story of fear, war, and survival tactics. In a room with my brother and sister and all the other unfamiliar faces, a story started to unfold. A large green board in the front of the room with felt characters and animals conveyed a story about a man named Jesus. The teacher moved each character as another person read the story. In the back of the room my eyes peered around another child's head to see what Mary looked like. Why the words captured my attention I know not. Why I was so intent in hearing every word about Jesus and why he came to the earth is unclear. Yet I do remember an ache as I listened to these stories and the words of the songs we sang about a savior. I listened intently about a man that my teacher said came to save all. In this came hope! In a world where no one was there to help us I found a belief that Jesus would come and rescue me. In this was the beginning of understanding God and grace.

Much of what this world takes for granted and deems to be normal brings tears to my eyes. While little girls had a beautiful relationship with their father I was avoiding sexual advances and dodging his lustful eyes. While you may have known a father who protected you I knew a father who did more damage to me than anyone could. I did not know the father who checked the door and windows at night for our safety. I knew a father that snuck into my room in the middle of the night and ripped any sense of safety I may have clung to apart. While you may have known a father who caressed you hair and rubbed your eyebrows, I cried and shook in fear of thought of my father touching me at all. His touch was selfish and dirty. His smile lied and represented trickery, manipulation, and a warning of danger.

At 14 years I recieved help from a boy and it gave me the strength to runaway. The police found me and after hearing my story they put me in a foster home. When they found my mother she told them that she had custody of us. The police took my twin sister out of school and put us on a greyhound bus where we would be reunited with my mother. As you watch this video and scan through my many other videos. Maybe you can see God and His grace. Gods love involves for every soul a journey of heroic proportions. And while it may require for some a change of geography, for every soul it means a journey of the heart. This video attempts to take you on a journey of my heart. This is what God grace looks like in real life. How is He wooing us through flat tires, bounced checks and rained out picnics is all good. But I am here on my youtube channel sharing a story about who He is after being kidnapped, sexually abused, bone cancer and betrayal. I am here to share a love that heals. See video titled Laid bare ~ abandoned for more on this.

This video contains music from the band esterlyn and their song "Esther". The second is Nichol Nordeman "Who you are".

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