Being Your Parent's Parent: Stop Now!

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Veya wrote me and asked how she could stop being so affected by her mother who is depressed, critical and manipulative. the video takes you through the letter and also through my advice to over come this pattern of constant approval seeking from someone who is not at all capable of giving anything to her self nor her own daughter.

Category:

Education

Tags:

• parenting
• depression
• approval
• seeking
• anxiety
• psychology

[askvictoria]

Yes dear Veya!

Thanks for your letter. Keep up the good work. Many are benefiting.

Warmly, Victoria

[askvictoria]

Boundaries are the key.

Keep working on it.

Warmly,

Victoria Lorient-Faibish MEd, CCC

[askvictoria]

I'm dancing as fast as I can!

Warmly, Victoria

[skeletonmom]

Wow! This lady's letter sounds almost exactly like my mother. Except for her crying-it was more like her swearing and screaming at me at the end of our argument. Spooky....

And, yeppers, you cannot control manipulative people-best to let them stew in their own juices.

I went out to play in that big wonderful world. Dont miss mom a bit...or the violence.

[ddanaebishop]

omgoodness she is awesome! parents often try to play the vicitm and dont realize that the comments the make hurt thier children.

[eckleburg22]

Victoria, this is the most wise advise I have yet to hear/read concerning this mother issue. I am working through my own healing, and I watch this video often - when I need encouragement and strength.  Thank you thank you thank you.

[Monikblessed]

Dear Veya, my heart goes out to you. Your mother sounds just like my mother. Because of your letter, I am learning to feel for myself. Thank you! I wish you the best and please know

that you are not alone in the struggle. I am right there with you. Peace and Much Love to YOU!!!

[skeletonmom]

@RocknCorruptrepublic - I wish you good things in life, Rock. Hope you find a job soon. Hang in there...HUGS!

[RocknCorruptrepublic]

@skeletonmom sounds like my mom too... my mom does the crying bit once in awhile but usually it's the shouting and screaming and ridiculing. Then more ridiculing and criticizing me of my pessimism/self-criticism.

I also can't really "disconnect" from her to the extent that I need to, because until I have a job at least so I don't need to go to my parents for things like books for school or a laptop repair... even though it's my dad's money, she always takes total control.

:-/

[sueryun]

hard to set boundaries when im living in her house =.= she tore up her slippers out of anger in front of me. >.> but I stood my ground, hopefully she'll give me boundary i need

[Realmissy22]

Omg this sounds like my mother, she always makes me feel gulity in any conversation and end feeling sorry for her even though am hurt. Anyways thanks for the upload.

[kmtaylor88]

thank you for this advice

[juzzsaying]

I decided not to go back for more abuse since my mother's skill is beyond my comprehension and I don't think she'll get help. Nevertheless, I still have that tiny flash of hope. But right now, I can't be with her in any kind of relationship until I get to know myself and get my boundaries worked out. This has so affected me. It should be criminal. My compassion to those who've suffered as I have...and I hope we all get the much needed love and healing we needed in the first place. TY so much V!

[ItsJustTimeTo]

Wow what a sharp contrast you present compared to my parents. Supportive, reasonable, fun - gee I'm older than you but I'd adopt you as my mother if possible.