Insights from an Autistic: Failures

Why do people tend to get upset over failures and mistakes

Category:

Education

Tags:

• armankhodaei
• arman
• khodaei
• autism
• autistic
• high-functioning
• temple
• grandin
• asperger's
• syndrome
• aspie
• autie
• jenny
• mccarthy

[fimail70]

(continued from below)

He will also have a similar reaction when he gets in trouble or when he hurts himself (a kind of mistake by a different name) - he will usually say "that's IT, I want to die! Kill me now" and he really means it. He has gone as far as trying to run out of class at school and running onto the road, trying to get himself run over. It's very difficult for us parents and authority figures to now what to do with. If he is the one getting upset on his own, how can we help him?

[armankhodaei]

@fimail70 The biggest thing is to make him understand that he didn't make a mistake, that he just learned a way that didn't work. Ultimately, he needs to feel as if you understand why he is performing the actions that he is performing when he is getting very upset. He feels as if he has committed a great crime when he gets in trouble. He's a good guy but feels like a bad guy that got caught killing someone when he gets in trouble.

[armankhodaei]

@armankhodaei As a parent, you face the condemnation of society claiming you can't parent your child, and you must take disciplinary action. However, at the same time, you can't make your child feel like a bad guy.

I wish I had a good answer for you. My best answer is to ponder and mediate on this with a 100% open mind.

[landsell]

Have a good day yourself. Thanks for the video. You really help me to understand the mindset of my son.

[armankhodaei]

@landsell You're very welcome. :)

[fimail70]

This sounds very much the same kind of problem as my 7 year old son (with HFA) has when we say "no" to him or tell him he's done something naughty. Or if we try to take something away from him as a consequence (punishment) for doing something wrong - for instance if he won't put away his Nintendo DS when I ask him to and I then take it from him and say "OK, no DS for the rest of today then" he will shout "no DS for EVER, put it in the BIN!!" and get REALLY upset.