The Pre-Recorded Messages of Cave Johnson

If you're not already blatantly aware, Portal 2 spoilers ahead. These are in no particular order, grouped by "decade." It does not contain any clips of Caroline.

"Hello friends, investors, test subjects. Fan of Cave Johnson here. And let me tell you, have I got something to share today. A couple days ago one of the test subjects found her way into the gates of hell. Couldn't stop her if we tried. Somewhere down there she tested and re-tested everything we thought was good and buried for ages. Apparently a solid multi-layered enormous hatch door can't keep everything out like the engineers said it would. So, Cave went ahead and fired their descendants. Didn't need 'em anyway."

"We found these pre-recorded messages shortly after and here we are today. Now,all the tapes were covered in mold, asbestos, moon dust, repulsion gel, or some combination of otherwise highly dangerous and lethal substances that would kill anything that got within fifteen feet of it. But we had to get what we could! For science."

"We ran out of employees to re-record the tapes and we got some more sitting around. When we get the funding, believe me, they will be heard again. We are also recruiting new test subjects for the same test. Average commitment is about seven minutes. And there's sixty bucks at the end of it. If you're interested, let a test associate know. Fan of Cave Johnson, we're done here."

Category:

Gaming

Tags:

• Cave
• Johnson
• Portal
• Voice
• Sound
• Clips
• Valve
• Chell
• Glados
• Do
• You
• Know
• Who
• Am
• Whatley
• Aperture
• Science
• Lemons
• Cake
• Potato
• Astronauts
• War
• Heroes
• Olympians

[DAVICIOUSX]

I use lemons and potatoes to power my xbox

[MrDocProfHe]

THE 60 BUCKS IS A LIE!

[SliceOfTitch]

One of the best characters in gaming.

[IICOLLIERII]

Cave Johnson 2012

[unbound1978]

Is it okay to cry with laughter during this.

[TheDefiant213]

If this man and the Old Spice guy were in a commercial together, I would buy anything they showed.

[Jam35Var1ety]

5:56 he's firing the guys who made the bad robots from the robot trust video. lol

[coolmccool5]

"Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--"

[Hexus3141]

I don't get why everyone goes on about the Lemon rant, if anything its the LEAST funny of Cave Johnson's rants. I remember taking a long time on the 1950s section because I couldn't stop laughing. Mantis men, tee hee, classic.

[Csp499]

I notice there's something odd about the "I like your style" comment; how would that comment fit into the testing back then? Chell makes it into that test chamber by applying some cleverness, but back then they had a catwalk.

Maybe he managed to get his brain into a computer after all, and is disguising his comments as recordings...

...or not.

[whatafuuuuu]

@MrDocProfHe haha :D nice

[whatafuuuuu]

I WANT TO NOW HOW IT LOOKED WITH PEOPLE IN APERTURE