Gimme Dat Christian Side Hug

Against my better judgment, I reproduce this monstrous video footage for the benefit of posterity. Do NOT end up like these douchebags.

The Online Slang Dictionary defines a "Christian side hug" as:
"a 'hug' performed by standing side-by-side with another person - hips together - and briefly putting one's hand on the other person's opposite hip or shoulder"

The idea is that hugging in the normal (i.e., not idiotic) way invites sin, as the crotches of the two huggers in question come mighty close, possibly inciting lustful thoughts.

But don't ask me about the shit attempt at appropriating hip-hop culture. I have no idea.

Warning: if you watch this, your eyes may require gouging.

Here is the place responsible for this madness:
http://www.tfh.org/
And this is the group's Vimeo page, the source of the video:
http://vimeo.com/user1097918


Addendum:
There is some debate as to whether or not the "performers" in the video are being serious. Is this a joke? Or an honest attempt at a hyper-repressed Christian rap? Perhaps a bit of both, in which the complex levels of irony are cleverly constructed? I really don't know. Regardless, I don't think any rationalization can excuse how. fucking. horrible. this video is.


Second Addendum:
A brave user named WannaTradePants has endured the trials and tribulations of transcribing the lyrics. Enjoy.

Gimme that Christian side hug
That Christian side hug
Gimme that Christian side hug
That Christian side hug
Ima ruff rida
Filled up wit Christ's love
Gimme that Christian side hug
That Christian side hug

These are the E.G. rules so
Pay attention, its essential
This ain't no front hug zone
You ain't that fly, you ain't Mike Jones
Stop, and listen
No front hugs and no kissin
I ain't that scared to call yo mama
You'll be ridin home in a coma
I got my crew
You aint got nothin (aww)
Follow these rules (yee-uh)
Cause we ain't bluffin now-ah
You ain't no rabbi
You ain't no priest
So rise up off me like the shotbread wit no yeast
Now-ah, don't use that front hug, boy
That makes things awkward
That's inappropriate
Now you back up off her cause we
Wanna keep our mind pure
Wanna keep away from sin
That means it's you too girl
Only one arm around him

We be walkin like
We be talkin like
We be side huggin
Eery day and night
Its how we do, boo
This aint no club
So dont be hatin on me
When I show no love
We livin holy
It ain't no thang
So put yo hands in the air
And let that shoulder hang
I'm goin global
Cause you don't know me
I'm buyin babies like Angelina Jolie
So quit that huggin
And slow down, mama
And hit my fist like President Obama
Now, democratic shift in the Congress (people)
Democratic shift in the Congress (people)
Democratic shift in the Congress (people)

I'm a married man
You know I can hold hands
Front hug all day long
With no other demands
But I ask for all of you
Until you say I do
No front huggin or P.D.A.
Or your E.G. time is through
But-ah, summa yall are slick
Tryin to pull this trick
Your hug starts from the side
But soon it turns legit
So if you end up here
Then go ahead and scream it
When I hug people I leave room for the Holy Spirit
If a girl walks up with her arms spread wide
And she's front hug bound with that look in her eye
You better
Turn to the side
Pat her on the back
Jesus never hugged nobody like that
(Scream it)

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• christian
• side
• hug
• side-hug
• what
• the
• fuck
• christianity
• culture
• hip
• hop
• rap
• down
• with
• today's
• youth
• yo
• sin
• lust
• sex
• fucking
• sinful
• front
• hugs
• sexual
• repression
• jesus
• christ
• these
• motherfuckers
• are
• morons
• religion
• is
• de
• opiate
• of
• da
• masses

[TaylorClutter]

gimme dat sinner front hug

[SophieGizzy]

just let me burn in hell.

[lexchaim]

hugs are the only way i don't kill people at school litteraly. i'm a christan and all but my mind would be broke without hugs. i love my friends and hugem all is how i show it. to be honest i beilve that is how God helps me get threw it. the moment the school tryes to tell me to stop is the moment i leave lol.

[zac3473]

i like the background music...

[rodrigodet]

The best part is when they all get shot to death

[stfukyleee]

WE

NEED

TO

KEEP

OUR

MINDS

PURE

[EXTREMEANIMALS]

@0nn3 Someone is upset.

[0nn3]

DIE DOUCHEBAGS

[GamerGeek2012]

you guys really suck.you know that?

[nosocialsavy]

just to add to the list of ick this song has racked up- they used darth vadar's theme song for the chorus. he didn't side hug, he hugged with the mother fucking force. front ways.

[401isell]

u suck



[popsickel7]

Jesus wants you to abstain and to keep from showing love via physical embrace...but acting like a gang banger and dressing like you capped your first bitch at the age of 10 are both just fine.