Mega Man X6 Boss Rush - No Dash/No Damage/Minimalist (Part I)

I'm fucking free of it. David Lynch by way of Cronenberg by way of Firth by way of goddamn there are a lot of fucked up Daves couldn't dream up more for me to gut this game with in their worst acid trips. I am done, through with, FINISHED suffering X6. I have incinerated the disk, the system that housed it, and several unfortunate victims who at any point reminded me of it.

A year ago, when this was still amusing, me and X6 had an enchanting sadomasochistic dynamic. I was the tender Gyllenhall to X6's gently intimidating James Spader. Every night he'd waltz coyly into my dreams and... I may have forgotten where I was going with this. The point is, this is no longer the feel-good freakshow comedy of 2002. This is Pulp Fiction, and I am about to be raped up the ass by a sociopathic inbred hick.

This video constitutes, so help me God, the final twisted extension of a harmless question: how well can the X series handle without its beloved dash? You might recognize its ilk in other harmless questions like which side do I grab a steak knife from and is fire fucking hot?

X cannot dash, cannot take damage, cannot use parts, armors or items, and cannot employ boss weaknesses. By this point the only thing X CAN do is pick at his naughty parts and cluelessly sniff himself, because the restrictions have left him with the AI equivalent of a power drill lobotomy. Somehow we'll try to deal with this while fighting bosses on Xtreme, and at level 4. Despite unending amounts of 'how the fuck is this possible', several workarounds -along with an alarming metamorphosis into Zero for one fight- ensure that X6's bosses are in fact beatable without a single dash between them. This is, in the end, one of the hardest things I've ever done.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to finish signing a legal waiver detailing my inalienable right to track down and murder any smartass who even thinks of suggesting another challenge for this godforsaken blight on my soul.

Individual boss comments:

Metal Shark Player: The concept of a metal shark still subconsciously blows my load at but a whisper of its badassery, and whaddaya know, this restriction actually gives MSP a right to his name. It gets hectic as all hell.

Zero Nightmare: The biggest challenge in this fight is trying to get his goddamn sprite to make a lick of sense upon recording. Still liquid cool, though.

Rainy Turtloid: GOOD FUCK. THE NUMBER OF GOATS I HAD TO SACRIFICE JUST FOR THE FORTUNE TO PULL THIS OFF, I'M TELLING YOU.

Somehow I doubt I'll cause undue heart attacks by revealing that the boss who at one time convinced me he was impossible WITH the dash would cause infuriating amounts of bullshit without it. The coincidences that make this possible are astounding. The walls just so HAPPEN to be glitched in the refight, meaning he can't knock you off. They just so HAPPENED to program the Meteor Rain to be destructible, saving my ass in the one place it's safe, the corner. And I just so HAPPEN to have the restraint not to tear my head off after realizing that to win, I need a battle where Turtloid never once uses his most common fucking attack.

High Max: Oh Max. I love how almost every one of your fancy, involved attacks can be dodged by virtue of how terrible their hit detection is.

Unfortunately, the two exceptions are a living hell. His DESS POOP sphere must be wall jumped over from the most precise window imaginable. When he hightails it to the center to start spamming mini DESS POOPS all over the place, it's twice as hectic as usual.

Commander Yammark: Anyone with boobs on his head is invariably awesome. I also love how he seems to think he's a magical girl and does dynamic poses for every fucking attack.

Dynamo: The galaxy may never see a man who glimmers well as he.

Blaze Beatniks: Heatnix, Capcom? Really? Phoenix just wasn't suave enough? Heatnix is a massive asshole, no question, but not a single ounce of it is altered by not being able to dash, since you should rarely if ever dash in the fight anyway.

At least until he uses his desperation attack and you're left floating yourself on the side of a fucking small as shit platform, just to garner enough time to react to it in a way that's not yelping in panic and taking the hit. I suppose I could've just ended him well before it saw the light of day, but you know me better by now.

Subwave - High Hopes
U-GEN - X Vs. Zero (Remix)
Ratatat - Cherry
Through Hell or High Water - October Massacre
System F - Out of the Blue (Violin Remix)
David Bowie - Ziggy Stardust
XsToRmEr1 - Flames of the Sky

Category:

Gaming

Tags:

• Mega_Man_X6
• MMX6
• No_Dash
• No_Damage
• No_Weapons
• No_Upgrades
• Xtreme_Mode

[shakespearewhiskers5]

I bet you can't do it without charging

[HideofBeast]

Look forward to my next magic trick where I beat them without turning the game on.

[fouf1990]

pls tell me the names of the songs used in here in PM

[HideofBeast]

Click on the video description. The song list is at the bottom of that.

[Wing0fSilver]

Is there any reason, aside from the sheer smarminess of it all, that you leave these bosses with one nick of life left for about fifteen seconds and dance around them for a bit before finishing them off?

[HideofBeast]

Murder is an artform.

[JesusJudd]

I refuse to acknowledge the fact that you got that absurdly lucky with Turtloid. The chances of that happening are astronomical and I hate you forever.

[korruption]

6:37

Max: DIEDIEDIEDIEDIIIIIIEEEEE!!

X: Teehee I made a poopie!

Max: DIEDI- Oh god what the fuck?! Eww! Eeeeeeeewwwwww!!!!!

X: =)

Max: =( ....*dead*

[ZombieVidsGuy]

@tiamat234 Because the idiot who made that guy thought you had: Unlimited ammunition, knew what to do, never anticipated a minimalist challenge, thought it was a bad idea on purpose. Bonus, if you fight High Max without the correct weapon...your screwed. The person who made him was a genius. So weapon usage is necessary...

[tiamat234]

why you're using a weapon against high max?

[Supermariofan14]

Commander Yammark looks like fucking Gradius, and he's called Heatnix, not Beatnix

[Supermariofan14]

Missed intro boss.

[andresbryan24]

lucky bastard.

[neozxa]

01:34

Zero: DIE DIE DIE DIE

X: ...I'm over here.

Zero: DIE DIE DIE DIE

[vent6547]

do you like typing

[vent6547]

Lucky mate

[Esco1979]

Only one word can describe this: AMAZING!