The Mind of an Eating Disordered Person

This video is very personal to me...
It expresses some of the things that I have inside me that are very hard to discuss with people. The way I think about things is very complex, but I hope that this video will explain a little bit about it. If any.

Having an eating disorder has taken everything from me...
It has taken my health (I've been hospitalized, had a tube shoved down my nose, hooked up to an IV for nutrients, my hair has fallen out and thinned, my nails lost color and became brittle, I've thrown up blood, my teeth are soft, my glands are swollen, I'm perpetually cold, my hands and feet turn purpley-red and ice cold, I bruise easily (you can see that in the video), I get sick easily, my liver became unhealthy, I got gallstones, I have migraines, my bones are brittle, my muscles cramp easily, my metabolism is crap, I get chronic nosebleeds and bleed easily, I have anemia, I'm prone to fainting spells) and those are only a few of the things ED has given me.
It has taken the trust away from my friends and family that they used to have for me, and I've lost a lot of people from this disease.
It has taken away my freedom, I lock myself in my room and rarely come out. I'm too afraid to go out, too afraid of food and the way people look at me...
It has taken away my happiness, I'm not happy...because of ED I can't remember the last time I was happy. Things that would normally make people happy make me want to cry, because they torture me. I don't feel like I deserve them...
ED has ultimately taken my life from me, the state I'm in right now is not living. It's death.
I truly believe that I can't recover from this, because inside I know that I'll never be normal and I'll never stop having these thoughts.
Believe me though....I've tried.

Category:

Film & Animation

Tags:

• anorexia
• anorexic
• anorectic
• anoretic
• my
• story
• bulimia
• bulimic
• ana
• Mia
• proana
• promia
• proed
• ed
• eating
• disorder
• ednos
• me
• skinny
• thin
• thinspiration
• thinspo
• real
• girl
• mental
• illness
• disease
• diet
• dieting
• weightloss
• weight
• loss
• underweight
• bones
• recovery
• hospital
• hospitalization
• treatment
• tube
• nose
• NG
• feeding
• food
• obsession
• addiction
• self
• help
• therapy
• starve
• starving
• harm
• injury

[EngineJoe31]

Fuck ruebrducky22, Dumb BITCH!!! can't even spell the word u dumb cunt!!! Bitches like u need 2 die and burn in hell. It doesn't matter if ure big or small 2be anorexic u stupid bitch!!! And if u knew anything about the sickness or had half of your brain left Bitch u would probably know that already. And just soooo u know dumb cunt not all skinny Bitches look good. U probably look like SHIT ran over twice, After being pissed on, and puked on!!! And yes Bitch this is coming 4rm a "0" waist line!!

[DinosaurPanic]

Haha, thanks.

[ruebrducky22]

i'm also tired of all the people who diagnose themself with an Ed...if u want the "attention" of saying u have an Ed, grow up...it's also pretty stupid cause...if any of those pics were even u...u aren't even skinny...I bet ur just some fat pussy staring at thinspos all day while eating ice cream and being so stinking jealous of all the beauitiful skinny people

[DinosaurPanic]

I'm sorry hun, but I've been diagnosed. Just came home from the hospital with a copy of my discharge diagnosis. I don't need the attention, this video was for awareness. And I'm very sorry that you don't think that I'm skinny hun, but really if you did have an ED you'd know that it's not all about being thin. I just came from a lengthy hospital stay with a tube down my nose, and as far as I'm aware...that's not normal. You need to grow up.

[ruebrducky22]

Omg person...I am so tired of all the Ed wanna be's on YouTube and all the people who just because they don't eat, they think they have an Ed cause girl I'm sorry that u tell urself that ur fat but guess what, I hear voices in my head and they are the ones that tell me I'm fat...

[DinosaurPanic]

I'm very sorry that there are ED wannabes on YouTube, because I don't think that it's something that anyone should WANT.

I don't think that I have an eating disorder because I don't eat, that would be incredibly ignorant of me. And this comment is incredibly ignorant of you. I have been diagnosed, I have my papers, and my team to help me through treatment. I'm sorry for your struggle, but I don't think that you have the right to accuse other people who struggle with an ED of being 'fake'.

[Cinderellarocks13]

@DinosaurPanic

I know you don't think you're understood.I never throw up but I go weeks without eating because my life is so chaotic... I just want a little control. No one sees how I punish myself because I wear no scars... on the outside... However, I tie my muscles in knots, my stomach develops ulcers, my teeth are being crushed from grinding my jaw. All because of guilt. I feel guilty that I'm unworthy of love from anyone. Pain has become so familiar that i feed off of it.

We'll get by. ^_^

[DeadToTheWorldd]

You tell us we don't understand anything. Maybe just a few us of do understand something. You are not alone, you're never alone.

[TheNanitzu]

:'( I HATE MY LIFE

[cherryxxlove13]

EXACTLY how I feel.

[NotThinYet]

@ruebrducky22

You know, ur a stupid ass whole?

The MIND is what makes someone have an ed. that's why ppl in Recovery, when they finally get there Healthy weight, there mind is still sick.

[CherilynJoy]

First off really sorry for the inconsiderate retards who don't understand an Ana/mia. Secondly, wow! That was so well done and absolutely heartwrenching! I suffer from Anorexia and this absolutely tore me apart, I know 5 million Americans suffer from it, but when I see something like this it kills me to know there are some who really go through the same agony as I do. but it's a comfort to know that there are people like you who try to lower the statistics. You're so beautiful! Thank you so much

[CutieBBe23]

Great video. I'm pro ana. No one understands me. This video is me. It explains everything. We don't do this for attention. This video is helpful to me and others.

[starsoverthere]

This was really good

[kodaksobe]

My Girlfriend has been struggling with Bulimia for years. I had her watch this. Good music, as well. It opened my eyes.