Everyone Says Fuck Off ~ By Jenny Lawson

I wrote a poem for you to use when you have to explain profanity to your kids. It's like "Everybody Poops" but with more cursing.

EVERYONE SAYS FUCK OFF
(Profanity for humanity by Jenny Lawson, bloggess)

Everyone says fuck-off
At least from time to time.
Even your sweet old grand ma-ma
(She does it in her mind.)

Everyone says fuck-off
When they need some time alone.
It doesn't mean they hate you,
It just means you have to go home

Everyone says fuck-off,
But in their own sweet way.
Your teacher says it gently
At the end of every day.

Everyone says fuck-off
Even to their friends.
It's just another way of saying
"Every party has to end".

Everyone says fuck-off.
If they claim that they don't they're a phony.
Your parents implied it (in essence)
When they said, "No, you can't have a pony."

Teenagers say fuck-off
(under their breath when they've been grounded.)
Mommies say fuck-off
(in her head when her car's been impounded.)

Babies say fuck-off
When you don't let them play with drills.
It sounds more like screaming though
Because they lack advanced verbal skills.

It might be your dad or your sweet little brother
And you may continue to scoff,
But I can assure you, one way or another
Everyone says fuck-off

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• thebloggess

[thebloggess]

I fucking love that there haven't been any people complaining yet. Gives me hop for humanity.

[bestoffates]

This is the best thing I've seen today. And I've seen a lot today. I really spent the whole time procrastinating. Got nothing important accomplished. Which is totally going to bite me tomorrow. This is funny, that's what I'm saying.

[EasyIndian]

Love! Hilarious!

[SavannahCatherine]

Oh God. I love this so very fucking much.

[BrianAndHeathyre]

This is Fucking Fabulous!

Thank You! :)

[KateHaney01106]

That is fucking wonderful. Thank you.

[DiatribesByCaroline]

Jenny, I fucking love you!

[Thiefree]

I was raised to believe that swearing showed a lack of creativity; it took a lot of cajoling from Stephen Fry's interviews for me to accept that, actually, swearing is very creative indeed.

Wish I'd heard this poem when I was a lot younger - I'd have had a much more colourful vocab!