An Atheist Reads the Bible - 6 - CSI: Old Testament

An atheist opens the Bible and learns how to work a crime scene.


CREDITS:
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WRITTEN, EDITED & POORLY ANIMATED by 43alley


AUDIO: The classic Scourbey audio recording of the Bible (a minimal excerpt from a 70+ hour recording) - all utilized for educational, critical, parody and non-commercial use under the Fair Use Doctrine, Campbell v. Acuff-Rose Music, 510 U.S. 569 (1994), etc. This narration is available for download on various websites as well all across YouTube.

TEXT: II Deuteronomy Chapter 21, verses 1 through 9. However, I left out verse 5:

"21:5 And the priests the sons of Levi shall come near; for them the LORD thy God hath chosen to minister unto him, and to bless in the name of the LORD; and by their word shall every controversy and every stroke be tried."

I found that passage boring to animate, plus I don't think it added anything to the rules. Please feel free to disagree.

Category:

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[vssia]

I wish these videos would have no mention of the bible until the very end. So that way the christians could be like, "Yeah that's one fucked up religion... oh wait, that's my religion!"

[sage0857]

Christians are fucking retards

[Ichijojichan]

What happened to the video just before this one?

[Almamater8888]

BTW, 1 and 2 Chronicles was likely written to put a positive spin on/replace the earlier 1 and 2 Samuel books, hence the contradicition that God/Satan commanded the census to be done.

[Almamater8888]

I'm a new fan of yours. If you are looking for more ideas for videos, may I suggest reading the excellent but little known book "The Sins of King David" by Gary Greenberg. This treatise exposes the ridiculous, unlikeliness of the entire King David narrative, and it also points out how David would at first "forgive" his enemies, only later to have them murdered, a real "man after god's own heart" (1 Sam. 13:13-1).

[TheLonelyImmortal]

It's sort of like a primitive version of ethics, where the city that probably houses the guilty person makes a sacrifice to make sure that the elders/rulers of the town don't knowingly allow random murders. But then, this is the Bible so how bad could they see murder? I mean really. Their deity is a mass murderer.

[Schnittertm1]

@Plausiblesarge Because he is doing revised versions of these videos, which he will put up later again.

[Plausiblesarge]

Why are these video's unlisted? they are GREAT!

[Raptor302]

A very peculiar command from a supposedly omniscient being.

[TheAmericanMirror]

I think this is my favorite one. It's the CSI intro. Ha! The Bible really is nuts. It should be considered a form of abuse to indoctrinate children with this stuff.

[MegaMalfurion]

The more I learn about the bible, the more disgusted I become with anyone who'd call themselves a christian. Such an evil, abhorrent book.

[jazzx251]

That's the Bible for you.

"If in doubt, kill an animal"