Fear Mongering in the Community

I talk about fear mongering and being aware of who might be reading posts in forums.

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[SecondLifeDesigner]

I really enjoy your videos and agree with you 99% of the time. However I disagree with some things you said. Honestly telling someone what you've been through is not fear mongering. If you heard their stories and got scared and went back into the closet for 6 years you put yourself back into the closet not them. Someone else may have hear those same stories and realize they where in a different situation and gotten from them not to get married not to put off transition not to have kids.

[karmatic1110]

@SecondLifeDesigner It is fear mongering to tell someone irrelevant information that is not applicable to their own transition. It creates an atmosphere of fear when someone states that you should run from gender dysphoria when we all know it's not something one can postpone indefinitely. It must be dealt with. It's VERY common and I have talked to a number of people who have gone through the same thing. It's a major reason why the forum I visit specifically caters to younger transitioners.

[karmatic1110]

@SecondLifeDesigner Forthermore, it wasn't simply a case of them telling their story, it was an exaggerated version designed to insight pity. If you go read some of the posts from specific members on some sites, it's very evident that they get off on telling people how hard they have it, to the point that it becomes part of their identity. Even their stories of FFS and the pain they endured are totally over the top and paint them as some superhero.

[SecondLifeDesigner]

It is not their responsibility nor can they mind read to be able to know what bit of information is relevant to you.

Everyone experiences pain, loss and fear differently. You can't say someone elses pain level or story was exaggerated just because you went through something simular such as FFS. Do some people just love to have a pitty party? Yes! Is it very constructive? Not a whole lot but it surves a purpose of ilisiting support from others just as long as you don't stay too long.

[karmatic1110]

@SecondLifeDesigner Throwing a pity party when someone younger and new to the idea of transition is selfish and frankly immature. Time and a place comes to mind.  Furthermore, I know quite a few young people who would have been ready had they not gotten such doomsdayesque advice. It turned out to be largely inaccurate and outright destructive in that they lost out on years of transition when they were in a very vulnerable position. The older person made it about THEM, and selfishly so.

[stockingcpl]

I disagree with you a bit on the idea of "calling it like it is." Personally I believe that we should not sugar-coat things.

I'm a 45yo post-op. Married 18 years with 3 kids. Transitioning is VERY hard. Probably the hardest thing that anyone will ever have to do. It is a process of facing rejection on a daily basis. One must be strong to face the fall-out from deciding to transition. I don't believe in fear mongering, but I do support honesty.

[karmatic1110]

@stockingcpl I'm not advocating sugarcoating things, however I've come across a few forums where the members talk about how terrible things are like it's a competition.

[Jenna08848]

This is well stated and done. It is the right blend of encouragement and caution. The risk are worth the rewards as long as one enters this transition period aware and educated. It needs to be done with open eyes and real expectations. Great video

[cheapcape]

There is plenty of fear-mongering in the media about sex offenders too. Factually, most do not re-offend (approx. 5%) and some are listed for petty crimes like urinating in public! The media uses phantom fears to rake in huge profits. Glad I'm a critical thinker these days.

[tanymas1]

I have to agree, My experience has to be quite different than anyone would go through today.... The world is a much more accepting place in most places.

[cassandragrindall]

I'm one of those second wave trans people that came out to my spouse and kids and it has been hard, but I agree with you wholeheartedly. I tell people it will be hard, but I also tell people to start as soon as you are sure, but make progress BEFORE you tell anyone outside your therapist and support group, because family especially can't understand, and they will work hard to hold you back. So, fear mongering and cheerleading are both bad, like you say. Above all, stay strong and take the time

[sarahannupson1]

Hi Karmatic1110

 I agree with you most time but on this one i disagree.Homophobia is alive and well in the U.S,i ended up homeless for three years because of who i am.This has

not stopped me from from begining hormones, i have been a woman in a mans

body for a long time.I encourage everybody to continue there dreams regardless

of the consequences,i am 53 and love what i see in the mirror everyday.But there

will be mountains to climb.

SarahAnnUpson1

[KristenMac100]

I wish I had this message when I was younger. The road to transition should not be littered with people saying things will only get worse. I want to enjoy embracing the person I have denied for so many years.

If a person has a horrible experience, the find a personal resolution. I know the risks and rationing is still better.

[nichya11]

i'm 17 now and trasitioning...I listen to myself, i take other people's advice but it's really MY discition since this is my life. :) So I think if you're transitioning young, listen to you, don't listen to others.