LoveMaster with Barbara Cartland

Barbara Auto-Cartland dispenses love and sex advice on the cult Channel 4 show, LoveMaster

TRANSCRIPT:

PUNTER: Dear LoveMaster, I've got to 3rd base with my girlfriend but I can't find the clitoris. Can you help me?

BARBARA: Hello. To find the clitoris you need four things: a helmet, gloves, a stroke of luck and a keen eye. Ensure your gloves are on and press these body parts in the following order to correctly stimulate the clitoris: thigh, thigh, mmmmons, neck, face, face, face, face, face, face, face. Elbow.

Once you have done this, put on your helmet and shout "NOTHINGNESS" whilst banging your hand off the mattress. This will correctly stimulate the clitoris.

PUNTER: Thanks, LoveMaster. You've changed my life!

BARBARA: Good. Now come suckle my left nipple for luck.

PUNTER: Ok.

BARBARA: Very well, you may go.

END

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• Barbara
• Cartland
• animation
• sketch
• sex
• love
• advice

[knifecut]

i love it. can we ask barbara questions? she is so wise and lovely!!1

[ComradePotato]

please do :)

[nauort23]

Bladerunner music. Yay.

[MANILABOY6631]

i hi hi hi . . .

[PoetReid]

I have died in result of this video and smell no better for it.

Thank you for the comedy, first rate, top drawers, knickers too. Kudos to you, really!

[tharvey1982]

Thanks, I'm going home to try this right now!

[GeckoAnimations]

What a fantastic spoof - really great idea... Liked that a lot... Well done...