Jennie is PEEVED!

Lewis Black proved that anger is funny, so I went over on time due to this week's theme, which is pet peeves.

Here are the promised links to the musical I wrote in high school. It starts with http://www.youtube.com/hogwartsgraduate#p/a/u/1/xeJ1QQ-bS9E and continues with http://www.youtube.com/hogwartsgraduate#p/a/u/0/YlIrwujBzEI

Also, in case anyone is interested or would like to share it, here is the text from my open letter to theatergoers everywhere. It's also on my facebook for quick and easy reference.

Dear Theatergoer,

Thank you for sharing my love of theatre. I think it is wonderful that you have enough of an appreciation for the arts to have purchased tickets for this performance, driven yourself to it, and arrived without any distraction. However, this is only the first step towards maximizing your enjoyment of the performance, and mine as well.

While attending a performance, please abide by the following simple guidelines:

1. Do not use your cell phone during the show. This doesn't just mean leaving your ringer on or carrying on a conversation -- it also means don't leave it on vibrate, don't text message, and don't check your Facebook or Twitter. I put this first because it is absolutely, positively the most important. There is nothing else as distracting from a performance as a lit cell phone in a row in front of me. You really, really do not need to text message your friend about dinner after the show during the most climactic moment of the first act. You don't. When I see this, it makes me want to remove your cell phone from your hand, and throw it down the aisle, and the only reason I restrain myself is that my aim is very, very bad, and I don't want to ruin someone else's experience of the show by inadvertently pegging them in the back of the head. When your cell phone lights up during a performance, it ruins it for me and all of the other people around you, and frankly, if you're so ADD that you can't make it through half a show without texting, perhaps you shouldn't have wasted your money on theatre in the first place. I get that some of you may have children, and you want to make sure the babysitter hasn't called with a crisis. This, my dear friends, is why god invented intermission.

2. Periodically, you may get stuck in traffic, or get an urgent telephone call just as you're stepping out the door, or the service is slow at your pre-dinner meal, or you get distracted by something shiny on your way from your car to the theatre, and this causes you to miss the curtain. While this is inadvisable, it is also understandable. If you MUST enter the theatre after the show has begun, enter as quietly as possible, wait for an appropriate moment to walk in front of a bunch of people to your seats (the applause after a song, if the show happens to be a musical, is a good choice), and sit down without making a ruckus. Remember, even though tardiness happens to the best of us, you are being rude by being late. Your task, in this situation, is to minimize the impact this has on the people around you.

3. On the same note, there is no excuse -- NONE -- for missing the beginning of a second act after intermission. They flash the lights to give you a 5 minute warning. That's when you should head back into the theatre. Period.

4. If you want to lean over to your theatergoing companion and comment that the witty quip one of the characters has just made reminds you of an inside joke the two of you share, that's fine. But whisper is the operative word, and keep the comment to one sentence, two at the most. When I'm at the theatre, the absolute last thing I want is a running commentary about how every little detail in the show relates to your life or, worse, an unrelated conversation about your work week.

5. Finally, stay for the curtain call. The actors on the stage in front of you have just given their blood, sweat, and tears for two or three HOURS. They are exhausted, and their entire purpose for being on that stage is to entertain YOU. Stay the extra 5 minutes, deal with the foot traffic on the way out, and put your hands together to give gratitude to the people who have just given you a theatre experience, however wonderful or mediocre it may have been.

If you follow these simple guidelines, I believe we will all have a pleasant and enjoyable theatre experience. And later, in the lobby as we're exiting, when I hold the door open for you, I'll probably feel more inclined to smile and say, "boy, that show was really something, wasn't it?" than to slam it on your foot repeatedly while yelling "that's for Tweeting about Bebe Neuwirth's cleavage while I was trying to enjoy the funny song!!"

Yours truly,

Jennie

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