Uploaded on Apr 19, 2011
On July 28th, 1995, a younger and dare i say thinner me was returning home from a Doobie Brothers/Steve Miller Band concert in Manassas, VA, when a drunk driver decided not to follow the curve in the road, continuing straight into the side of the car carrying me and my high school sweetheart Grace.
Hilarious right? Hilarious LOOKing maybe! amiright?
While I am thankful that my face has been able to amuse you all over the years, I am reaching the final step in what has been an epic series of surgeries and reconstructions and just need a little help getting to the end. So I am having a fundraiser for my teeth.
On Saturday April 30th from 1pm to 4am, I am going to play Ping Pong for 15 hours straight. I am taking just 7 minutes off an hour to pee and drink. I plan on sweating off about 10 pounds that i gained over the winter. There will be several featured players over the course of the 15 hours. There will also be time available for you to pay to play me and make me suffer.
My goal is to raise just $5000 of the $35,000 total that this is all costing.
There are a few ways that you can support the Ping Pong-a-thon!
1. I'm asking people to sponsor me by the hour. Between $3 and $6 per hour of me playing would be a donation of $45 to $90.
2. Another option is Pay-to-Play. I will be taking donations of up to $20 (or more) for a set of 3 games.
3. Betting will also be encouraged...per point, per game, whatever! But to keep it legal all proceeds must be put into the fundraising pool.
4. Show up! If you're just that poor, or you don't want me to have teeth, come out and get shitty anyway. Watching me making an ass of myself is fun for all ages!
If you don't have faith in my stamina, you can certainly withhold your donation until after I complete all 15 hours. Or you can make your donation up front, because you're fully confident that my legendary mania will get me through it.
There will be a collection and sign up sheet at the bar, or you can click the link below to make a donation with a Credit Card or PayPal Account:
I will also, of course, be taking donations the day of the Ping Pong-a-thon.
All proceeds are guaranteed to go towards the cost of my surgeries, under punishment of castration should you find evidence to the contrary.
I hope to you see you all there!!
Your Toofless (for now) Friend,