THE AMERICAN DREAM

December1994 Right after I was diagnosed with bone cancer but before having any treatments I had a dream. I was on street that had retail shops up and down several blocks. It was alive and people were laughing and seemingly happy. I was walking by this place and as someone was walking out I saw inside the door this beautiful ballroom with striking crystal chandeliers and glitz and glamour that filled the room. As I walked in it was a room that could have been decorated by me. It had everything I liked in the style that pleases me most. As I was taken in all of the beauty of this room and all the beautiful gowns that women were wearing I noticed I was getting a lot of attention. I looked down and my attire had changed from a pair of jeans and a sweater to the most beautiful ivory gown. I saw my reflection in the large mirrors around the dance floor and my hair was done up beautifully. I was beautiful and everybody seemed to want to look at me and approach me. I started to feel sick and as I walked out the door I vomited this yuck. As I was looking at the ground I notice that I had on sneakers again and felt fine again.

The next door I passed by was clearly a tavern and there was country dance music playing. Curious I walked in to see what all the hoopla was about. There was laughter, and excitement coming from the room. It had wood barstools and tables with a band and a dance floor filled. The dance floor had sawdust on the floor and people dancing in unison. Again I looked down and this time I was wearing a mini skirt with a white top off one shoulder and boots. It was absolutely adorable! People engaged me in conversation and stories. I started to feel sick again and as I walked out the door I vomited again. Looking at the ground once again I notice that I had on sneakers and again I felt fine.

I had the most delightful elegant desserts from the bakery. I enjoyed chocolate that was out of this world at the candy store. I had met interesting people and enjoyed the many attributes that each place was intent on sharing. Yet each time leaving every place as I walked out I got sick and then felt fine.

I remember thinking that I needed to get home to be with my children that were two and three at the time. I even remember thinking that I left them home with my husband and he was not the most reliable when it came to watching over the kids and I better get back. As I was walking into my home my back had this intense pain and when I saw Steve I told him I was not feeling well. I went into the bathroom and asked to Steve to look t my back and see if he could see anything. He said nothing but the look on his face was pure fear and shock. He ran to the phone and called 911 and as he did I tried to look in the mirror. I saw that my back had rotting flesh. If I were to describe to you what it looked like I would say a dead decaying body. I woke up as I was being run down the hospital hall on a gurney crying.

When I woke up I heard Ecclesiastes 9 over and over. I had no idea where my bible was and it took over and hour to find it. But when I did the very first words hit me and I knew it was in fact God. Ecclesiastes 9 in bold letters "Death Comes to All." In part it says, The living at least know they will die, but the dead know nothing. They have no further reward, nor are they remembered. Whatever they did in their lifetime—loving, hating, envying—is all long gone. They no longer play a part in anything here on earth. So go ahead. Eat your food with joy, and drink your wine with a happy heart, for God approves of this! Wear fine clothes, with a splash of cologne! Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil. Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom.

Since we were little girls we dreamed of being a bride. We enter into a bridal shop, acting like a wedding was imminent, and the day we try on the beaded gowns we are being waited on hand and foot and leave feeling like cinderella. The incredible beauty of the moment - every detail was special and fun. My wedding day came and went. The good memories replaced with tragic ones. But the desire to be the beautiful bride lingers in the heart of women forever. God uses bridal imagery to refer to the ones He loves. He calls us His bride and says that He is our bridegroom. He completely knows our soul. How well He knew that I longed to be a bride and the many pure and good dreams that I had for my marriage. When I am finally in His presence, there will be a celebration in heaven that He calls the wedding supper of the lamb. How wonderful He is to make it so, for now and for all eternity. The only thing that will last from now and for all eternity!

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