How To Survive a Bear Attack

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So you've finally escaped to the great outdoors. Good for you. But watch out for bears, or you may need to escape from the great outdoors.

To complete this How-To you will need:

A cool head
Acting skills
A change of underwear
A killer right hook
A loyal pet, large enough to eat a bear

Step 1: Reverse direction

If you've already had your head ripped off during a bear encounter, we probably can't help you.
However, if the bear has not yet ripped off your head because you saw him first, off in the distance, you should slowly and quietly begin walking in the opposite direction until he's out of sight.
Then calmly stay put for about a half hour.

Tip: While you're waiting, sing, talk, or make some noise. Also, now is not the time for a smelly, bear-enticing snack!

Step 2: Walk noisily

With the coast clear, resume your walk. But make noise so the bear knows you're around. The truth is, that bear doesn't want to run into you, either.

Step 3: Avoid eye contact

Uh, oh. Despite your best efforts, Smokey The Bear's evil twin is suddenly standing in front of you, calmly considering his options. First off, do not make eye contact. The bear will take it as a direct challenge to his authority, and he will rip your head off.

Step 4: Slowly back away

Back away slowly while speaking in a soft voice.

Tip: Right about now would be a good time to make a deal with God.

Step 5: Don't flee

Holy crap, the bear is charging. Do not run! He will chase you down and rip your head off.
Instead, stand perfectly still. If he stops his charge, slowly back away again, speaking softly.

Step 6: Play dead

If the bear attacks, protect your head with your arms, curl up in a fetal position, and pretend you're dead. Or try hitting him directly in the nose. Some experts think a quick punch works better than submissiveness.

Step 7: Have pepper spray next time

Next time, don't go into the woods without bear repellent pepper spray. Just be sure to familiarize yourself with its proper use.

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Category:

Howto & Style

Tags:

• diy
• do
• essential
• instructional
• it
• learn
• outdoor
• Recreation
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• yourself

[Andersagbarie]

DAMN now my top comment is gone, ill guess ill try again :) I LOLED WHEN HE SLAPED THE BEAR XD

[timoffex]

step 1: Be Russian.

[MultiVietMinh]

um i dont believe in god

[EMalkin71luver]

@MegaCandygirlz he wasnt dancing? oops

[MegaCandygirlz]

0:34 I thought the bear was dancing......(facepalm)

[ToobiusTV]

dont know why i watch these when i spend 99% of my life inside the house on the internet

[TheSoulEater12345678]

First Try:back away slowly,rips your head off

Second Try:say hi to it,rips your head off

Third Try:slap it in the nose,rips your head off and takes a crap in it

solution:stay out the woods

Fourth Try: tried solution and it came to your house and rips your head off

conclusion:Bears just dont like you

after I say conclusion:a bear comes and rips yor head off

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha­hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[DavidSolus]

LOL HE SLAPED THE BEAR XD

[StremeFs]

Is that the bear from Skyrim?

[brycolaa]

This is a troll video i think..

[Technic316]

hi.



[riley8727]

PROTECT MY ASS