Inept Reviews: Kenny Dalglish Soccer Match

Legendary footballer Kenny Dalglish despite not being short a bob or two, decided to stick his name on a couple of ZX Spectrum computer games: Soccer Match and Soccer Manager. If the term 'soccer' wasn't infuriating enough, the Soccer Match game is somewhat lacking in the qualities that make up the beautiful game. If you thought LA SWAT was atrocious, say hello to Kenny Dalglish Soccer Match.

I paid full price for this load of rubbish and never again did I pay full price for a game again!

Category:

Entertainment

Tags:

• zx
• spectrum
• sinclair
• inept
• reviews
• kenny
• dalglish
• soccer
• match
• football
• retro

[shaggygroogie]

you are a sad english twat

[collieuk]

Thanks. It's nice to be reminded occasionally. When do you want me to next come around your house for breakfast? I can do next Tuesday, Wednesday, possibly Sunday. Text me!

[pedroac]

The AI is incredible! LOL

[collieuk]

Apparently the release of this game was delayed for 2 years as a team of Harvard graduates skilled in AI coding were brought in to make this game the most advanced footballing game on any system ever. Unfortunately the Harvard graduates lost all interest in the project after day 1 when they learnt it was 'soccer' and not 'football' and they got a monkey in to program the game instead. And what a game it is!

[Haller1977]

Nostalgia Quotes&Notes:

Sinclair User - 58%

Crash Magazine: "Twenty Two deformed hunchbacks hobble a green expanse of play area with no apparent reason" llloolll 42%

Your Sinclair - "you notice is the players. Twiglets. They look like they've just recovered from a six-month hunger strike. And they run like it too, poor lads" llloolll "the ball is a lot more intelligent than the computer players" 46% ahaha

[collieuk]

And yet they still reward the game a score above 40%. It wasn't really until the Spectrum market had almost virtually gone and Stu Campbell and Jonathon Nash got control of YS, did they give really crushing reviews of games - even old mega-games.

[Scottmachin]

I literally LOL'd at this. I remember all these awful games...the commentary is top notch, collie.

[Bda9]

this was awful, but kenny dalglish soccer manager was a great game.

[Guttermouth]

I love how it looks like Kenny's punching the other bloke in the face on the title screen.

[anonbg]

Can tell you are a liverpool supporter by your accent collie!

[RussWWFC]

Kenny Dalglish's Soccer MANAGER was quality on the Speccy

[MagikGimp]

There are exactly 2 3/4 games worth playing on the Spectrum and this might be one of them.

[Schfifty12]

hahaha your a good game critic, made me laugh all the way through haha.

[cheekyleopard]

On the loading screen that looks like one of teh chucle brothers not kenny dalglish.

[bradley14681]

how are earth are the players dribbling with the ball behind them. reminds me of kick off 3 playing wise

[workstationnumlock]

Presumably when the goalie scored the computer was waiting for the goal kick and so they held their position for that?

[vogras]

Give me this over Fifa08 anyday..