Bear's Birthday

This is a draft of a children's story I have been working on. I am open to feedback on any aspect (writing, word choice, sound effects, layout, design) of the digital story. If you have suggestions for possible edits please share. I have completed this video for a writing class assignment and look forward to improving it.

Category:

Education

Tags:

• bear
• birthday
• children
• book
• story
• digital
• Visual_Arts

[EvSillers]

This is just great Kyle.  What program did you use? Photostory 3? This allows you to add and change music at any point in the story and add more transitions. You likey know all this already. Good job. This a great example for a collaboration project of older and younger students, where the younger ones tell the story and the older ones help them put it together and use their computer skills.

[thekyleguy]

Thanks for the feedback Ev. I used Powerpoint & iMovie for this project and will blog about the process once I have My next draft completed.

I like the collaborative idea of having 2 grades working together. That is something I definitely want to try once I begin in a classroom.

[c1p2b3w4]

Much of my thoughts regarding your project have been brought forward by other members of the network. My only other suggestion would be to polish some formating. This is a fine project, of which, you can be proud, Kyle. I like the idea of networked peer-review on this type of project. I look forward to seeing it evolve as you consider feedback from the network.

[thekyleguy]

Thanks Paul, I have been working on the formatting today and it is coming together. Once I have the writing and the visuals down, I will be able to add the audio components (narration, sound effects & music).

Yes, this piece is evolving thanks to the amount of response I have received from family, friends & acquaintances. I thank everyone for viewing the show & responding.

[jentropy1]

Great job. That must have taken a lot of time to produce! What is your target age group? I'm not sure at what age children understand anxiety and surprise. In terms of production, I agree with the audio comments above. I would also be a little more consistent with the font type and size. Great project!

[thekyleguy]

I haven't really tracked time, but it has been a learning experience. Target age is K-3 I guess, but not limited. I see potential with this type of storytelling to be applied k-12 and in varying senarios. I have had conversations about applications with special needs students and ESL as well. The multi sensed approach really opens the doors to the target audience.

I have played around with my text boxes to make them more uniform. I hope the changes make the final draft become a tighter piece.

[thekyleguy]

Good points Dan. Thanks for the insight. As I mentioned in response to Shareski, I am going to work on the soundtrack for version 2.0.

I also like the idea of using cross fades to improve the transitions.

I had hoped to generate some laughs with the narration. Glad you enjoyed it.

[thekyleguy]

Thanks Laurie. I have had fun putting this together as a final storytelling project for my Language Arts Writing Course. I don't teach in a specific classroom full time but have been exploring possibilities for a similar project for when I have a class in the fall. I like the idea of audience participation and may try to work something in.

I haven't had any issues with the sound & slides coming out of sync, it may be a YouTube issue. I hope others will let me know if they have similar issues.

[DanFCarr]

Hey Kyle. Nice job. If you want comments; the music snippet was good, but if you're going to use music, I think you should use it several times, or add a soundtrack overall. I would also try to edit the video so that it never cuts or fades to a black screen between shots. Gentle cross-fades between images would be more in keeping with the general happy fluffiness.

I quite liked your narration.

[thekyleguy]

Thanks Dean. I also feel rushed with the transitions. Will play around with mood music on draft 2.

Do you happen to know if John Maschuk keeps a web presence I can link to?