Amnesia Custom Story: Quiet, 4 [Premature FINAL part]. Chocobo and the Tinderbox Factory

Note: I am ending this custom story here because the maker failed to distinguish between two different kinds of hammers. So when I used the wrong hammer--and since the story is scripted--it will now not allow me to progress.

Run! For the tinderboxes have seized the dressers and have taken our families hostage!

Noes, he's gots my son! Someone, save him for he is just a child!

*Tinderbox McGee awakens from his slumber to find the tinderboxes scattered in less-than-ideal formation and condition*




"What in thine name is creating this ruckus?"

Tinderbox McGee--in a fit of rage--takes Princess Zelda and Princess Peach and forces them to eat each other. When Princess Peach decides to flee to Bowser's castle, she is cut short by a chainsaw thrown down a stairwell by McGee. Coincidentally, Mario was at the Pizzeria in the food court in the foyer. Not a fuck was given by Mario that day. He made a truce with Bowser, and the Mario series would have been better that way--except they fucked it up, and Princess Peach continued to give Mario a limp dick for her antics for 3 more games. What a bitch. And fuck Luigi.

As Tinderbox McGee pondered what to do with Princess Zelda, a curious young Tinderbox asked a simple question: "Did she died?"
Unfortunately, McGee was in no mood to deal with troll boxes, so he slayed--via hammer--the poor Tinderbox, adding new meaning to the term "curiosity killed the cat." Link happened to be giving Ganondorf a massage--it's probably an elf thing--before hearing the news of Zelda's imprisonment. He thinks about it, downs a couple beers, and decides he'll sleep on it.

When Link wakes up, he decides to pursue the love of his life and the bane of the franchise. Upon arrival at the hotel, he finds--to his horror--that his green attire did not match his brown boots. Overcoming that, a second horror washed over Link like a putrid wave of fucked-up-ness: Zelda was actually Legolas Greenleaf, the ambiguous-looking he-she of Middle-Earth. The hyphenation of the latter sentence would make any grown-man cry, but deal with it.

Legolas was never one to finalize or officialize [it's a word now] his/her gender, as he/she vacillated between a he and a she. The judgement of any rational individual would conclude that Legolas was bi-sexual, but he wasn't: Legolas was neither straight nor gay. He, instead, loved vegetation. Since this is Middle-Earth and somehow Frodo--a fucking hobbit--could survive armies of hellish creatures, anything goes. Knowing that, Legolas turned Link into grass and ate him, literally fulfilling his sexual appetite. As for Zelda...well I just said Zelda turned out to be Legolas. Follow the story, dammit.

As for Tinderbox McGee...not a fuck was given.

Frodo...well he fell in the lava, searing and filleting his skin. The ring survived. The Lord of the Rings gets dragged on for 3 more movies until some asshole destroys the ring...but at least it's not a fucking hobbit who's trusted with the power of 7 fucking pedo daddies for heaven's sake.

Category:

Gaming

Tags:

• let's
• play
• amnesia
• dark
• descent
• custom
• story
• quiet
• PC
• horror
• frictional games
• scary
• gameplay
• commentary
• walkthrough
• playhrough
• fraps
• steam.

[jonnavdpas]

I shat enough bricks to build my own medieval German castle at 8:48. ;__;

*hides in the closet like the pussy she is*

[hav9k]

@jonnavdpas I once made a sand castle--it turned out to be the Taj Mahal.

[demyx0067]

Great video. And description! Had some good laughs here. And the part around 18:30, well... I can totally relate to that. He's not close, so you should move on, but that damn music is still there, and it freaks you out to know he could be anywhere! But cheers mate, looking forward to more of your custom story videos!

[hav9k]

@demyx0067 Oh there are plenty of laughs. But thank you very much sir, and enjoy the rest!

[OfficialReverd]

As for Tinderbox McGee...not a fuck was given. Nice description.

[hav9k]

@OfficialReverd I wrote the description at 3 am and I thought it made brilliant sense. Now, I don't get it.

[jonnavdpas]

@hav9k Cool. |D