Parenting with Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

Inbal Kashtan is appearing at our Parenting Matters Teleconference in January, 2013:
http://nvctraining.com/media/_special...

CNVC Certified NVC Trainer Inbal Kashtan discusses and demonstrates how to work with the incessant "no" from a child.

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[xcvsdxvsx]

have you ever encountered a situation where violence was the only option. for example, child says "hey running out in front of cars looks fun", you start to say "no actually it isn't because...", but child decides that he inst interested in your explanations and that instead hes going to do a little experimentation on his own to find out for himself why it may or may not be fun. Thus you would be forced to physically restrain him which is clearly violence.

[nvcacademy]

Yes, in NVC we have a term called "protective use of force," and if a child runs out on the street in front of cars, using restraint to save the child's life is the thing to do. Sometimes making a request or negotiating is superseded by an immediate need for safety. Afterward, I could have a talk with the child and explain what I did and how much protecting his/her safety means to me.

[aggroskaterSTL]

A question to the NVC Academy regarding this video -

Can somebody explain why Ms. Kashtan denies that "negative attention" is a human need? It seems that attention is certainly a human need, and that negative attention fulfills that need in some way. It may not be as rewarding over the long term, but that seems like saying people don't aren't fulfilling a need by eating junk food simply because it is unhealthy, when in reality it does fulfill the larger need for food in general.

[nvcacademy]

We're defining needs as a universal quality that all people possess. We define a strategy as the way we get the need met. So, as you pointed out, using negative attention fulfills the need for attention in some way, it makes negative attention a strategy to meet the need for attention. Even if attention is a need, it is also a strategy to get other, often deeper needs met like acknowledgment, love and belonging. That's what Inbal was wanting to point out.

[nvcacademy]

We use these definitions as a way of working with needs and strategies and to help us navigate our way down to the deeper needs that often motivate us.

[Josh Alba]

This lady hit it right on the head. So glad there are others thinking out there in the interests of humanity, and communication and functioning more holistically.

it's beautiful.

[mezo27]

This video is so touching! And can I say I love inbal's voice, i it's warm and comforting. If I were upset i'd want her talking to me.

[crimsonandclover94]

Kids can learn to use negative attention for confirmation of love. If a parent doesn't react to their misbehaviour or ignores it completely (as in, neglects the situation), to the child it confirms that the parent doesn't care about their actions. The problem is, when a child disobeys and the parent automatically goes to frustrations, it teach the child to associate a "caring" parent with an anger response. Which they will later use in their own relationships to test the love of their partners.

[Phaeces Mars]

Just out of curiosity, what would happen if nearly everyone in the world decided to adopt and embody NVC, but there still exists a group of individuals that are impossible to communicate with, in that they are hell-bent on destroying anyone who disagrees with them, and actually plan to do so. Basically, as a social philosophy, can NVC ever be used to justify war? Because "protective use of force" sounds exactly like such a justification, admittedly in a much different context.

[marryinchains]

Inbal Kashtan does not seem to be very experienced (although the group seems to be a difficult one, interrupting one-another and being far from understanding needs), but it might be a wrong impression. Reading and talking about NVC changed my life, but because I work with children I am very interested into deepening my knowledge. Are there any NVC parenting workshops through europe?

[dannlynch]

AMAZING!!! Can you imagine if THIS is how we were all raised???!!

[xcvsdxvsx]

ive managed to avoid it entirely thus far by just controlling my daughters environment. Even when she starts messing with something that could choke her i dont have to take it from her i just ask nicely and she voluntarily gives it every time. However she is only 1year and 3months so I had a feeling that even the best parent wouldn't be able to avoid it forever. BTW thanks for the great work you are doing it just might be the most important thing in the world, literally.

[daobagua]

ROFL

[daobagua]

Using a perverse and meaningless translation dictionary..... then sure.

But I like your way of thinking, we can now all appreciate with wall street millionaires lobby the government to use force to steal our money for bailouts. After all, Greed = Need lol.

Cheers