Portrait of the Artist as a Prematurely Old Man, by Ogden Nash

Another poem by one of my faborite poets, the late Ogden Nash.

Portrait of the Artist as a Prematurely Old Man

It is common knowledge to every schoolboy and even every
   Bachelor of Arts,
That all sin is divided into two parts.
One kind of sin is called a sin of commission, and that is very important,
And it is what you are doing when you are doing something that you oortant,
And the other kind of sin is just the opposite and is called a sin of
   omission and is equally bad in the eyes of all
   right-thinking people, from Billy Sunday to Buddha,
And it consists of not having done something you shuddha.
I might as well give you my opinion of these two kinds of sin as long as,
   in a way, against each other we are pitting them,
And that is, don't bother your heads about sins of commission because
   however sinful, they must at least be fun or else
   you wouldn't be committing them.
It is the sin of omission, the second kind of sin,
That lays eggs under your skin.
The way you get really painfully bitten
Is by the insurance you haven't taken out and the checks you haven't
   added up the stubs of and the appointments you
   haven't kept and the bills you haven't paid and the
   letters you haven't written.
Also, about sins of omission there is one particularly painful lack of beauty,
Namely, it isn't as though it had been a riotous red-letter day or
   night every time you neglected to do your duty;
You didn't get a wicked forbidden thrill
Every time you let a policy lapse or forgot to pay a bill;
You didn't slap the lad in the tavern on the back and loudly cry Whee,
Let's all fail to write just one more letter before we go home,
   and this round of unwritten letters is on me.
No, you never get any fun
Out of the things you haven't done,
But they are the things that I do not like to be amid,
Because the suitable things you didn't do give you a lot more trouble
   than the unsuitable things you did.
The moral is that it is probably better not to sin at all, but if
   some kind of sin you must be pursuing,
Well, remember to do it by doing rather than by not doing.
-- Ogden Nash

Category:

Entertainment

Tags:

• Sins
• commission
• omission
• payment
• bills
• letters
• tavern
• trill

[custardispeasant]

Should I be embarrassed that I have no idea who Ogden Nash is?

In any case, I love how the poet took light-hearted look at a topic very close and dear to my heart: sinning. Well read!

[Largo64]

@custardispeasant Thanks for the kind words. Your channel says you are 19. Ogden Nash died in 1971, and if you are not a great fan of poetry there's no reason why you should be embarrassed at not knowing about him. Nash wrote what some people call nonsense poetry. It was written with only an occasional rhyming word at the end of a thought, but without meter. He was popular in his day. He wrote such timeless stuff as:

Fleas. Adam had 'em.

;^)

[clarinet1]

Only a click away is a recording of Nash himself reading this poem, and doing it very well, with authority, and superior timing

[custardispeasant]

@sparrow111260 It's okay, things typed out (esp. on the internet) have an amazing ability lose the irony or sarcasm they were ment to carry. I wonder how Mr Nash managed to keep the full meaning of his words on paper.

[sparrow111260]

@custardispeasant

Don't take me seriously. I was really only a needling and it came out much too hard.

Please excuse me.

[custardispeasant]

@sparrow111260 Jeepers, that sure is ebarressing! I'll admit that my question was dreadfully phrased. What I really meant to ask was, "Is it bad that I'm 19 years old and only *just now* know who Mr. Nash is?" Sorry for being so dismally inarticulate.

In any case, surely Wikipedia's a little too unreliable to take at face value, isn't it?

[sparrow111260]

@custardispeasant

Well it is good that you enjoyed it, but should you be embarrassed that you have no idea who Ogden Nash is?

Well, Yes. You should be quite embarresed.

You are on the internet (you know, wikipedia?) and even if you meant this as a joke, it's nearly so ebarressing, it's nearly not funny.

[Popperite]

I liked this. I confess to be a sinner of omission. One sometimes forgets things you shoukld have done or do not find the time to do them on time....

[scythiconatron]

I must agree. One of the people who influenced me greatly once told me that he wanted to join the military because he didn't want to regret not doing so. I thought that one could regret what they had done as much as what they had not, but I realize that what one has done at least gives one memories for the future.

[misshappyluv]

hah i liked that :)

[Elaina43]

Nice, Larry!!!!

Thanks for the nudge.

I'm not saying I'll do what I ought, but it is good to at least think about what I'm not doing.